ANDY'S POV
Just do it Andy, they're gonna start without you. I mean why wouldn't they? You shouldn't be the reason for them not to play a show.
Just do it.
Just say the Exordium and walk out like nothing has happened.
Okay...Ready..Go...
"The kingdom of God is inside you and all around you, no in a mansion of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and God is there, lift the stone and you will find God."
And I walked out onto the stage like that was planned all along. I felt at piece once the roars of the fans filled my senses. I felt at home and wondered why I even contemplated coming tonight, this was where I belonged. On this stage, with my band.
The look on Ashley's face, I couldn't figure out. Was it happy and shockd, or pissed and shocked? I couldn't decipher.
It didn't matter now because we had a show to perform, but after it all ends is what I'm afraid of.
It was a long show, nearly 4.5 hours. Our shows are usually 3. I don't get tired, but the band acted as if they had just ran a marathon.
After the show we took a few pictures (and yes I do appear in them) and signed a few things we retreated back to the bus. Which is when my nerves kicked in.
I can't stay here, not with them and not with Ashley, I'm afraid that I will hurt them..especially Ashley. I mean I've made my mark on him and I can't take it back..and he thinks I'm a freak of nature..
I don't appreciate all of these thoughts going through my head, I dont particularly like thinking at all. I prefer my mind to be blank so I can be at peace. But there was no avoiding this.
Once we all stepped onto the bus we said our final goodbyes to our fans that tried to maul us and closed the door. CC locked it and the rest of the band surrounded me with anger filling their eyes.
I tried to keep as calm as I could but all I could think about was how Ashley smelled..I could smell and feel his blood coursing inside him. That's all I can ever think about, but I had to refrain. I don't want to lose control again...I could kill him..
"What the fucking hell?!", Ashley yelled while throwing his hands in the air, interrupting my thoughts.
I just looked at him with hopeful eyes that I would be forgiven, I didn't know what to say.
"You just disappear, you don't say a damn thing then show up in front of thousands of people and expect everything to be okay?!", CC chimed in.
"I never said that", I replied.
"We're not idiots Andy", Ashley added.
"I didn't say that either", my anger grew. The assumptions they were making were out of anger, not based on what was going on with me, like they ever cared.
"You don't have to fucking say it! Do you know what you've put us through?! We had to figure out how to do a show without you and all that shit. Plus wondering where the fuck you were and why you left!", Ashley yelled.
"Did it ever occur to you that it isn't safe for me to be here?", I calmly asked. Pushing my anger aside.
The room fell silent yet their faces remained angry as if they were waiting for me to explain.
"Ashley, I have made a mark on you which means that you're my main food source from now on. I know you don't want that and I don't want it either, so keeping my distance is best. You think I'm a freak anyways so why does it matter? All you guys care about is what our fans think when you are on that stage and if I live up to you and their expectations. This band isn't just about the performances you know, so quit being so goddamn selfish", I nearly trembled at the harshness in my voice.
Their faces relaxed in utter shock and surprise.
"It is very hard for me to be around humans in general, now I have to deal with something much stronger and I don't have anyone to tell me how to control things. No one. And I certainly don't need any of this bullshit", I growled and turned to walk out.
"Andy wait! Don't go, please!"
I stopped in front of the door, "What does it matter, I'll be at the next show and that's when you'll see me again, understand?"
Two tattood arms wrapped around my waist and squeezed. I was in disbelief that they actually wanted me to stay for personal reasons. They just want the bands reputation to not be tampered with. And of course neither do I, but we are more than just 5 musicians put together. Maybe I was the only one who felt this way.
As I was getting lost in my own thoughts, they were interrupted by 6 more arms wrapping around my waist.
"Andy, please don't go."
"Yeah, we're sorry."
"Tell us what we can do to help."
I shifted awkwardly causing them to let go and turned to face them.
"Why do you want me to stay? And be honest, don't give me any bullshit."
"Because you're our brother, our best friend and we love you. No matter what. And we want to figure this out with you...just, we need a little time to adjust is all", CC explained.
"Yeah but we're gonna try, we know you're just as scared as us", Jake added.
I would never admit that I was scared, but I was truly terrified.
"We're sorry", Jinxx chimed in.
"Why me?" Ashley suddenly spoke.
We all silenced and turned to him.
"What do you mean?", CC asked.
"Why did you mark me?", he asked connecting his big brown eyes with mine.
Just say it Andy, there really is no other explanation. He will know if you lie...just tell him the truth so we can move on.
Just do it.
With full confidence I kept my eyes connected to his and finally blurted it out.
"Because I love you."
