Reforming Society •• OneRepublic {2}

What Could've Been

Shawn Murphy's P.O.V.

Martino Potenza, a former member of the Italian Mafia who got locked up three years back with a life sentence, was probably the best friend Shawn could ask for in prison. Which, of course, wasn't much, but having someone to talk to (even if the thick Italian accent soon becomes a bit contagious) helped. Especially in a prominently African American and Hispanic prison, where a white man wasn't welcomed all too well.

"You didn't even kill the guy, I still don't know why you're in here." Martino broke off Shawn's thoughts. He'd been staring at the silver table they sat at for a good five minutes.

"Attempted murder is still a crime, Potenza." Shawn grumbled.

"I still think it's bullshit. I mean, for Cosa Nostra, it makes sense. But you? Nah, you shouldn't be here."

"Look, I don't know how the Italian government works, but that's definitely not how America sees things."

"Never mind it, America is fucked up now anyways. Or so I've heard. Don't get much from in here, though, huh?"

Shawn didn't answer, going back to his thoughts.

The year in prison had changed Shawn. For one, he learned to control his temper and keep a calm yet tough face in front of the rest of the prisoners. If he didn't and accidentally gave a crazy man the wrong look, it'd be likely that he'd get a few injuries before the next day ended.

He'd also begun to feel guilty for what he did.

When he called Ramona, he just wanted to see where she was in life. It just turns out that she's in the same relationship situation as she was with him - ready to get married. Yet he wasn't too serious about the commitment when he proposed to Ramona, whereas Ryan probably is.

He wasn't even sure why he threatened Ramona over the phone. Perhaps he was simply bitter over being there. He still hated Ryan, but not quite for the same reasons he used to. Shawn was still angry with Ryan for shooting him and putting him in jail. He was to spend eleven more years here - if he lived through it, that is.

One year was hard enough, after all. But this was probably the intended effect of prison in the first place, though, wasn't it? To teach a lesson. Shawn was beginning to learn that lesson. In the same breath, he wasn't jailed for what he did to Ramona, only for breaking into Ryan's place and trying to kill him with a gun. But what he did to Ramona was what he felt guilty about the most, and he almost wanted to admit it to authorities and get more time. He wasn't sure if it was out of justice for Ramona or self-pity.

"Murphy." Martino said loudly. Shawn looked back up at him, staring into inspecting eyes.

"Ah," Martino gave a face much like a grimace, "Don't tell me you're feelin' guilty, it's the worst thing a guilty man can do."

"I have my reasons, Potenza."

"You're being a micio, Murphy, I know you had a good reason to kill the guy, stick by that. When you're out of here---"

"I'm gonna try to kill him again?"

"Ye."

With that, Martino made a gesture with his fists to act out giving someone an uppercut. Shawn shook his head, looking away. He saw a group of Hispanics looking over at him and Martino, but mostly him. They shook their heads with scowls and popped tattooed knuckles.

"Micio," Martino spat again, making Shawn look back over, "You're goin' soft."

"Shut it, I still hate the man. I'm just guilty for other things I did."