Tales of Stupidity

#15: "Hello, friend"

I had another amazing sleepover with my most fabulous little potato of a friend, Saffron. And weird shit always goes down when we sleep over together.

We had a meal at an Italian restaurant together in a corner so we could be all antisocial and whatever - which would have looked weird to anybody around us, as two girls sitting together at a table could be mistaken for lovers on a date, and this would have especially looked weird to anybody who knew us from school and knew that Saffron was into girls. Not that there's anything wrong with that, because love shouldn't be dictated by gender, race, religion, etc, but we wouldn't have wanted anybody to get the wrong idea.

So after the meal, filled with offensive jokes and references to Phan, Bo Burnham and a lot of other stuff that probably a lot of the people in the restaurant would understand, we awkwardly paid and left.

We went shopping for food.

A LOT of food.

And when we got back to her house, we watched the Make Happy show by Bo Burnham and The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire by Dan and Phil until it got late. We did go on Omegle again, and there were some strange people we met on there (one of which called Saffron names such as a 'cunt' and a 'bitch' and a 'slut' just because we wouldn't show our tits, until I told him to fuck himself with a blender because nobody speaks to mah bestie like that) but some were nice and in the Phandom.

Saffron got sleepy, and so we decided to go to sleep rather than stay awake all night like we had planned, and so she turned the lights off and we curled up on the pull-out couch/bed with blankets over us. We could literally only just make out each other's silhouettes in the darkness, and in a weird little moment, I moved closer to her and said...

"Hello, friend."

And she responded with the same thing, so we laid in the darkness, getting awkwardly close to each other and just saying those two words over and over again with creepily wide eyes and manic smiles.

After we had tired of that, we laid in silence, trying to sleep and occasionally looking at our phones. I don't remember much of what happened or what I said, but some things I do remember saying were:

"Those are my arms. I have two of them."

"Sorry, I couldn't find the floor."

"Are snails sentient?"

"If vegetables could speak, what would a lettuce say?"

Never let me consume sugar at nighttime or things like this happen to good people.

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See ya later, my little demons!

-F (admin)