My drawings and artwork!

A little bit of a life update...? (sort of spilling my guts...) ^^"

Hello again everyone. :)
Sorry that I've been absent for a little while, i didn't mean to be gone for so long. 😅 i plan to show some of my newer drawings as soon as i can (hopefully starting tomorrow)

But this chapter isn't actually meant to show any artwork but i might throw a freebie in at the end or something. ;p

I was feeling really down and i didn't really have anywhere else to turn to...I'm not even sure what prompted me to write this out...but i just feel safe sharing stuff on here for some reason. :) So i guess this is sort of a...life...update of sorts...??

But...unless you want to you don't have to read this chapter...i don't want anyone to feel like they "have" to listen to me spilling my guts. XD
(So RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN PEEPS!!! GO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT THE DRAMA OF AN ARTIST WITH A MESSED UP LIFE XDD )

Soooo...i guess, I've had a lot going on for these past few months...and I've had a crap ton of stress on me...and when I'm really stressed out (like really really stressed out to the point of feeling depressed) i have this bad habit of isolating myself from people (usually even social media) because i dont want to worry my friends with my problems and i don't want to make people think i like to complain or something or make them feel bad for me :p
...even though i secretly wish i had someone who understood me enough to not feel awkward and not know what to do or say after I've shared what's on my mind...😅

(I'm only saying that because pretty much everyone i know irl does this)

The few times i do open up it seems like they get all uncomfortable and awkward like they don't know what to say or do with me because they aren't used to seeing me sad...because I'm usually very optimistic and normally I'M the one cheering people up...so i think people get surprised when i actually do show that I'm really very sad and stressed and they don't know what to do with me...so i just bottle stuff up so that I'm not a bother to anyone...

But...it's gotten so bad that even my mom is getting concerned for me...and...I'm just not sure what to do with myself at this point...i feel like if i don't get some things resolved soon I'll reach my breaking point.

I don't have very many people i can vent to irl because i feel like I'd just be burdening them and they wouldn’t understand my position and where I'm at and I'd just end up making them feel uncomfortable. ;-;

So as a result i bottle WAY too much up and I'm feeling very very burnt out...I've held so much in the stress of it is even taking a toll on my body...it has currently made me sick from holding so much in...and this isn't the first time it's happened either...

I'm learning that i shouldn't bottle so much up and that it's okay to lean on other people...just i don't know who to lean on sometimes. 😅
I sort of hate it sometimes...but I'm a bit of a loner. ;-; #foreveralone.

But a few of the things upsetting me are there's constant stress at home between everyone and everyone always seems to be depressed and overly iritable to the point where everyone will just blow up over the smallest thing...one second things will be okay and then the next it's a huge gong show with yelling and arguing. :( i guess my home environment feels very unstable...and it's getting to me...

I also don't feel like I'm taken seriously at my workplace so I'm stuggling with feelings of inadequacy. (Perhaps this is something i could overcome....but it's difficult because i don't feel very smart because i didn't get a good education growing up as some of you may already know...)

I had been deathly sick the past two weeks and i only just recovered...so on top of feeling uneasy at work I've missed a lot of it, so I'm broke...which means i can’t help my family with paying bills and they are struggling really badly financially too...so I've got the stress of "will we be homeless again?" On my shoulders...
My family and i have been homeless a few times before so it's a legitimate concern. :/