How Did We Get Here? ✔️

16. Present

16. Present

               

"Here."

I turned from the shelf filled with books to see Callen was handing me a big black shirt along with pajama pants and boxer briefs.

"I figured you'd want to shower since you're drenched and shivering." He explained. "It's the door to the left."

I nodded and headed in that direction. Showering was actually a good idea. I could gather my thoughts that way and try to push away the pain to try and form coherent sentences.

The bathroom, like the rest of the apartment, was pretty basic. Nothing struck out and I was incredibly relieved to see there was no item that a woman would use in any of the cabinets. After all, we had been separated for a while and he could have found someone and not told me... I just needed to be sure he didn't.

I caught my reflection in the mirror and almost had to do a double-take. I looked nothing like myself. It had been worse, a lot worse, but I still looked... dead. Like a dead shell. My eyes were red and puffy from all the crying of the day, my hair was a wet tangled mess and even twenty-four hours of sleep couldn't have wiped of the dark circles under my eyes. They were a permanent feature of mine now, had been for almost two years now.

I couldn't keep looking at myself anymore so I undressed quickly and stepped inside the shower. The hot water usually did wonders to soothe my spirits but it didn't do much today.

Not when I knew Callen was right next door. Not when I knew what we were about to finally talk about after so much time avoiding the subject like it was a detonating bomb.

After I had stepped out of the shower, I quickly dried up and passed on Callen's clothes. I felt like crying again when I realized they smelled like him and I hadn't gotten to have that comfort in so long I had forgotten how good it felt.

It was time now, there was no backing out of this. Our future was at stake.

I stepped out of the bathroom, almost afraid to make a sound and walked back to the living room. I found Callen sitting on the couch, with a photograph in his hands. I didn't have to see it to know which one it was.

"Is that..." I couldn't even get the words out.

He raised his head and his eyes fell back to the photo.

"Yeah..."

I nodded and went to sit next to him. He put the picture down on the little coffee table and I desperately avoided glancing at it. I knew it'd be done for the day otherwise.

"So..."

"So." He repeated.

"Cal, can I just ask... how have you been doing? I mean, you didn't try to... do anything, did you?"

He frowned slightly for a second before shaking his head.

"I wouldn't do that to you." He just said.

"You know you can still come to me right? For anything. I promised you, years ago, that you would never had to face your demons alone and I still mean it. Please promise me, no matter what, you will talk to somebody if not me if you feel like acting on your thoughts."

He nodded and I accepted it for now. I knew he was as exhausted by today as I was so I wouldn't push it yet.

"Do you remember the first time I told you I loved you?" I whispered, my eyes desperately trying to avoid the picture on the coffee table.

Callen's eyes shifted to me and a small smile stretched upon his beautiful, but tired, face.

"I don't think I could ever forget."