Heliophilia (camren)

Chapter 4

Chapter 4:
That night I tossed and turned thinking about her. Her eyes, her voice, everything about her. I wondered what she was doing right now, I wondered if she was happy or sad at feeling anything since she never shows it. Mac came in drunk some time after 4 and I knew I couldn't call him out on being a coward today, he was already getting snappier and snappier by the day and I didn't want to set him off. It was obvious he just didn't want to embarrass himself in front of his new gang, I was just a prop and I guess ill have to except it.
The next day brought blistering heat and more jobs to be done, but by noon I was itching to see her. I wanted to start to teach her how to read, or at least talk to her. I thought it was best to wait in the book room until she came and found me. I started to read my book again, getting lost in the words until her voice disturbs me.
"How long did it take you?" She asked as she stood over me.
"Sorry?" I stutter trying to collect myself.
"To learn to read" she said again lowly and I tried to piece what she was saying together.
"Oh, well a few months I suppose. I can't remember, I was really young" I answer and I watch her face to gauge a response, but I don't get one.
"Okay well, how about we move over to the that table?" I ask pointing to the small table with two matching chairs. She glided over and sat herself down, to which I followed.
"Do you know how to write?" I ask softly and I see her eyes flicker for a minute.
"No" she answers quietly and I take it she's embarrassed.
"Well that actually makes it easier, we can start from the beginning" I say with a smile trying to warm the mood. Her eyes seem to show a form of happiness yet her face stayed the same as I smile at her and pull out paper and a pen. I show her how to hold it properly in her right hand, but after a minute she switches to her left. I right out the alphabet and then tell her to copy them.
"This letter is A. You pronounce it like ay" I say pointing to the first letter. Her eyebrows are knit together in concentration and I try to stop myself from staring at her face, but I fail miserably.
"The next one is B, you say it like bee" and point to the next later. We make it all the way to the letter G and I ask her to say the words I spell out on the page.
"Cuh-ah-tuh" she stutters and I nearly melt at how cute she is.
"Ca-cat" she says and I see a ghost of a smile grace her face for a second but it's gone in a flash. She looks at me and catches me studying her to which I quickly look away and I blush. I feel her eyes dancing on my skin and I try to look anywhere other than her, unsuccessfully. I finally give in and look at her, her eyes studying my neck.
"Did you fix that up?" She whispers and I trace the scratch marks Santo left the day before.
"No I-I forgot" I say back softly and I see her expression relaxing from its icy blankness to one of soft concern as she studies it. She grabs my hand and pulls me into the kitchen and sits me up on the counter as if I'm some kind of light rag doll. She leaves for a second before reappearing with a bottle and tissues and starts to clean the scrapes that made a home on my neck. I studying her face and i notice the slight sprinkle of freckles scattered over the bridge of her nose and the many different layers of colours found in her eyes. Her touch was the softest thing I've felt in years, her fingertips dancing over my skin like a feather. She gently puts on antiseptic creme and a plaster to cover the wounds, and to my surprise she leans in and slowly kisses the plaster.
"All better" she whispers in my ear and a landslide of butterflies start to run wild in my stomach. She plants another over the plaster, and she starts to kiss up my jaw at a painfully slow pace and I shut my eyes and bite my lip to stop from moaning in pleasure. I unsurely bring my hands up to her neck in an attempt to get her to continue. Im in a limbo of sense over whats happening; one minute shes cleaning my scrapes and the next shes kissing my neck with such softness i feel i might cry. This is wrong, i think to myself, i shouldn't be doing this, but I'm in no mindset to stop it. She holds my hips lightly and my heart swells as she starts to rub circles into my hipbones. The kisses become longer and more loving as I pull her closer, but the noise of the front door opening breaks through the silence and she's over the other side of the kitchen as fast as lightening. Her face is covered with shock as she stares at the ground, as if she just broke out of some trance. And all at once; she leaves without a word.
I hear the loud voices of men and I shiver; I still had to make dinner. I hoped off the counter and saw Mac walk into the kitchen with a plaster around his upper arm.
"Hey baby" he says slapping my bum before opening the fridge and taking out a beer. I don't respond, hoping he'll catch on and notice I'm angry over what he did yesterday.
"What, you lost your voice or something?" He says to me roughly after a minute or two of silence. I feel a strong hand on my shoulder and I'm yanked around to face him.
"Don't ignore me when Im talking to you bitch" he sneers at me and I try my best not to flinch back.
"Is this about yesterday?" He snaps and I nod my head, not trusting my voice to portray me as strong.
"You know what Mila? You need to grow the fuck up" he says before pushing me back into the counter and walking out of the room after I hear him grumble "soft little bitch" under his breathe. I let out the oxygen I was holding in and it comes out as a shaky sob. I try to collect myself but it doesn't work, and I find myself moving towards the only place I can find comfort.
The book room was silent as usual and I run to the comforting arm chair and curl up in its soft embrace. I finally let the tears and sobs wrack my body as the empty feeling in my chest swallows me whole. All I feel is emptiness, when I look at him, when I lie awake at night, everyday I wake up to feel nothing.
'You feel something when you're with her' a thought whispers to me in my head. I can't deny that it's true; she makes me feel warm, like there's something's in life I haven't found yet that can make it all worth while. I can feel myself calming down at the thought of her, her light touch caressing me as if I'm worth more than a few drinks and a complement, as if I'm worthy of the soft affection she gave me. I know this sounds crazy but in that moment I missed her, I barely knew her and my heart ached because I missed her. I wanted to know everything about her, I wanted to know what evokes passion in her, I want to know what makes her smile and laugh and cry, I want to know the dreams that fill her head at night and what she looks like as morning sunlight kisses her skin. I wanted to know all her scars and climb the slope of her lower back, know the touch of her fingertips and to count her ribs and goosebumps and eyelashes. I want to be fluent in her body language; I wanted her entirely and unconditionally.
I knew I had spent too much time in here and I'd get more than a shove against a countertop if I didn't have dinner served soon, so I dragged my body back into the kitchen and started to prepare dinner.
Once I was finished I began cleaning up at the sink, my eyes heavy from the stress of today. I breathe in a sniffle as I push the sad thoughts out of my mind.
"Pretty girls like you shouldn't cry" I hear a husky voice say from behind me and there she is, standing behind me with a blank expression in her green eyes. She walks slowly towards me and my breathing becomes shallow as I back up until my hips hit the countertop. She invades my personal space so much that our noses are almost touching and I can count the freckles on her face.
"Why are you still with him?" She asks softly and I feel the air the exhales from her nose on my upper lip. The question fazes me for a second, and when I think about it the answer is clear.
"He's the type of love I deserve" I whisper as she studies my face. Her eyes soften at my response and they're becoming my favourite things to stare into. I quickly glance down at her lips but regret it and I avert my gaze elsewhere.
"You deserve the world" she whispers and before I can respond she's gone again.