Heliophilia (camren)

Epilogue

Epilogue:
"Mommy I want ice cream!" The little body giggled from beside me as she swung our arms back and forth.
"Whatever you want Bekyboo" I respond with a smile as her little hand wrapped around my thumb and she stumbled over her own feet proving she's defiantly my daughter.
"How was school?" I ask her as we reach the car and I take her bag.
"Good, but the girl beside me kept sneezing" she sighed as I opened the back seat door and she crawled in. I buckled her seatbelt and shut the door before running around to the drivers side and sliding in.
"Is that the same one who shared her colours with you last week?" I ask and I see her nod her little head, her plait bobbing up and down with the moments.
"Yeah..so I forgave her for sneezing so much" she smiles with her toothy grin and I smile back.
"Good girl Beky" I chuckle out as she looked out the window.
"Can we go to the zoo too?" She asks and I sigh.
"Im sorry honey we can't, I have to get you to your dads house by 4" I say softly, not wanting to have to leave her for the weekend.
"No!" She says grumpily and crosses her arms. "His new girlfriends mean"
"Oh there's a new one?" I ask, not really surprised.
"She's really tall and calls me Rebecca.." She grouches out as her brow furrows. "That's not even my name" she whispers angrily to herself and I can't help but chuckle at her cuteness.
"Hmm..I bet she's really smart and has amazing moral values too" I say but the joke completely goes over the 6 year olds head.
"She's not a real mommy...like you" she says as her attention goes out the window as I smile at her words.
We pull up outside the string of shops and Bekys feet were swinging excitedly in her seat as I got out to open her door. She stumbles out and grabs my fingers before I can even lock the car and drags me into the shop. The bell on the door jingles as we enter and the small man behind the counter smiles at our arrival.
"Oh hello there little Beky" he says smiling down at the blonde haired girl.
"Hi Mr.O'Sullivan!" She chirps back and gives him a little wave.
"You here for my special ice cream?" He asks happily as I lift her up and balance her on my hip as her gaze is glued to the tubs filled with ice cream behind the glass screen, her brown eyes growing wide at the sight of so many options.
"Hello Mila" he says more calmly and I smile.
"Afternoon Mr.O'Sullivan, how's Mary?" I ask.
"Oh she's good, you know, keeping me busy" he chuckles as Bekys nose presses up against the glass.
"That one" she whispers, staring right at the chocolate ice cream and I laugh.
"I guess it's two chocolate cones today" he chuckles as I put Beky down.
He scoops out the ice cream and puts them in cones, making sure to add sprinkles to Bekys, just how she liked it. She grips my thumb with her small fingers again and pulls me out with a smile as she shouts a goodbye to Mr.O'Sullivan and drags us to the bench on the edge of the park we sit on every Friday as we eat our ice cream.
"Blue" she calls out as a blue car wizzed by us on the road. Hoards of people were walking on the streets path and I watched them pass, thinking about what's going through their heads.
"Red" I hear her mumble as faces seemed to blur into one, no one really standing out making me loose hope that ill find anyone that shined as bright as the person who played on my mind still, after all this time.
"Are you even listening?" Beky asks from beside me as she pokes my side with a chocolatey finger.
"Sorry bekyboo, just thinking.." I say honestly and look down at her tucked into my side.
"'Bout what?" She asks as she licks away at her ice cream.
"About a girl"
I look down at her concentrating on her quickly melting ice cream and I chuckle.
"Me?" She asks.
"No honey, but you're special like her though" I respond and feel my chest ache and sore as I think about her.
"Is she the girl daddy says ruined you two?" She asks with a giggle and my mouth flies open.
"He what?!" I ask shocked as my little six year old stares up at me.
"Every time you drop me off and you don't hug him back he grumbles about you not bring able to forget some girl..." She mumbles with a mouthful of ice cream. "Then he skulks in his office" she laughs as she does an impersonation of Darren by furrowing her brow and slumping her shoulders as she grumbles in a deep voice.
"Spot on Beky" I laugh sadly as she smiles brightly up at me.
"What's her name?" She asks as she swings her legs on the bench.
"Lauren; her name was Lauren" I answer as a ghost of a smile plays on my lips; that was the first time I'd said her name in 10 years.
"Laurens a pretty name" Beky states after a few seconds of silence.
"She was very pretty too" I comment as I stare at the faces of passing people.
"Was she your best friend?" The little girl asks me curiously, obviously wanting to explore the memory of the girl that ruined her parents relationship.
"Well..." I start, not really sure how you explain this kind of thing to a six year old. "She was my everything...so I suppose you could say that includes best friends" I finally answer.
"Where is she?" She asks.
"Im not too sure baby" I say as I run my fingers through her soft hair that was messy from school.
"Why don't you ring her?" She asks, finally finishing her ice cream, but her hands and face were covered in chocolate. I laugh and run my thumb over the patches of ice cream on her face as she scrunches up her face.
"I don't have her number" I said with a sad smile as she grabs my hand and plays with my bracelets.
"Do you miss her?"
"Everyday Beky"
She stands up on the bench and kisses my cheek sloppily before hopping down.
"Can I go to the swings now mommy?" She asks giddily and I nod.
"Ill be over in a minute honey" I smile as she runs off and pull out my phone. I dial the familiar number and roll my eyes as I wait for him to pick up.
"What have you been telling our daughter Darren?" I ask as he sighs down the phone.
"Hi to you too Camila" he scoffs and I sigh.
"Darren" I warn and I hear shuffling in the background, obviously him sitting back in his office chair.
"She just told me you talk about a girl who ruined us.." I say in a warning tone.
"Well excuse me for being a little pissed off that the woman I love is still hung up on someone after 8 years" I sit back in the uncomfortable bench and watch Beky run around the playground.
"You're not in love with me Darren.." I trail off, knowing fully well if he was in love with me he would look at me the way she used to. "Damn it Camila! How do you know that? I know I was rebound from some chick you still won't tell me the name of, but I thought you'd move on by now" he says irritated and I sigh at his quick temper, something she never had.
"You got me pregnant Darren, it wasnt rebound, it was a mistake" I say monotonously and he almost growls.
"Mistake my ass! It was working out fine until you fucking left me!" He yells and I almost hang up on him.
"Darren Im not having this conversation right now" I say tiredly.
"Not now, not ever" he grumbles out.
"Ill drop her off at 4" I answer and he mumbles something I really didnt care to hear and I hung up. I bite my lip as the bitterness he brought to my chest hits the back of my throat. He was a dick, but at least I got one good thing out of our relationship; a beautiful little girl who brought back the glow to my chest. I can't deny she was the result of endless nights of clubbing and meaningless sex to forget green eyes and brown hair but I wouldn't trade her for the world.
I watch the people passing on the sidewalk again, making sure I never miss a face. Some happy, some sad, some too caught up in life just to take the time and relax. And because there was so many faces passing by I almost missed the green eyes and dark hair exit a bookshop with a book in her hand and a smile on her face as she listened to the guy walking beside her tell her something. And as my heart started to beat the fastest I've ever felt, he laced their fingers together and kissed her cheek and she blushed, looking shyly down at the ground smiling.
A feeling of emptiness seemed to fill my chest in a paradoxical way as I watched him put a smile on her face the way I should be. And as they stopped at the traffic lights and she set her special gaze on his side profile the way I knew all too well I knew there was nothing else I could do. She had moved on, and most importantly she was happy. And as my daughter rushed over and grabbed my hand her green eyes that seemed to always make me melt met mine and we both knew in that instant our time was over. I knew she'd always love me, that much was true by the way her eyes told me a million stories in a short few seconds until the traffic stopped and the pedestrian lights turned green and my daughter grew exceedingly more impatient as she tugged on my arm.
And all at once she was gone, lost on a crowd a people who meant nothing to me in comparison. It didnt matter to me that she had moved on because in a sense i had too, and that was okay. The time we shared was short but it was the best I'd ever had, and if life tainted it, it probably wouldn't have meant as much to me. I knew I would always love her, and she would always love me, even if she was with another.
But no matter who she was with, or where she was or what she was doing, we'd still always have the time we had together, and that's all I could ever ask for.