Heliophilia (camren)

Chapter 23

Chapter 23:
I dragged my heavy feet home after a day of work I'd rather not relive and plopped down on the sofa, curling into a ball and trying to sort through the thoughts clouding my mind. Sam walks in but I don't move, too incased in my own mind to notice him. He sat down beside me and took my feet onto his lap, taking off my shoes and starts to rub my feet.
"Lauren called me" he says softly but I don't react.
"Don't blame her kiddo" he says softly and I sigh.
"I don't...I'm just confused" I mumble and sit up a little.
"Have you ever had like, a moment with Normani? And it's just so perfect even if it's at the back of a dingy bar or a darken cinema or in bed at 4am and you're both drunk. And you can feel it in your chest that it's special, and you just want to sob and squeal but also just stay still so you don't hurt the delicacy?" I ask slowly and after I finish he nods.
"I have actually, best moments of my life" he says with a smile and see him get lost in his thoughts.
"I had one with a girl who wasn't my girlfriend" I whispered and he looked at me with surprise.
"Good" he laughs out and I sigh.
"Sam! I need you right now; my best friend, not biased-Caption-of Laurens-fanclub-Sam" I ask pleadingly and I see seriousness flood his body.
"She asks me to move in with her" I say finally and he smiles.
"Well that's brilliant! She's only across the hall so I can visit wheneve-"
"Grace asked me to move in with her" I interrupt and his mouth flies open.
"NO" he yells angrily and I flich.
"NO NO NO NO. Do you hear me? She's just-no" he finished his rant and I run a hand through my hair.
"I said yeah" I say just above a whisper.
He shoots me a look of disgust and stands up abruptly, pushing my legs off his lap.
"Done with your bullshit Camila" he says harshly and makes his way to the bedroom.
"Grow the fuck up and stop leading the poor girl on" he spits and slams the door behind him causing me to whimper.
I sit up completely and run a hand through my hair, not knowing what I was going to do next. Everything was a mess, but I didn't want to sort it out right now, I couldn't.
I checked the time and noticed I only had a few minutes before Lauren expected me. I got up and went to the bathroom, cleaning my face and redoing my make up before fixing my hair as best as I could and sighed.
I walked out of the bathroom and stood outside the bedroom door, not knowing if I should go in or not.
"Sam im going to Laurens" I say softly but I don't get a response.
"Love you" I try but I'm met with silence and I sigh.
I walk out of the apartment, closing the door behind me and walking over to Laurens and knocking on the door.
"Hey" she says happily as the door swings open, her hair up and sweatpants on and the bruises she received earlier more prominently showing on her face.
"Oh my god, Lauren your face" I say and step in closer to her as she scrunches up her face cutely.
"Im okay now, seriously. It just looks worse than it is" she says softly and I sigh.
"Im sorry" I whisper and she smiles at me.
"I'd do it a million times over" she whispers back happily and I melt as her innocent eyes beam with truth, but a wave of guilt flashes over me knowing that ill have to tell her news that will break her heart tonight.
She grabs my hand and leads me into the apartment that's been stripped bare with stuff apart from a torn up couch, a dingy little table and two chairs which was adorn with candles and a table cloth. I look around to find a few boxes holding what looked like her every possession and confusion etched my face. I almost let the questions swirling my brain slip from my lips but I stop myself knowing the answer will probably be something I'm not ready for. I want to have one last night of just her and me, without the bite of reality scaring us.
"Eh Camila?" She asks hesitantly from the kitchen and I make my way into see her looking sheepishly at me.
"Im out of gas for the cooker" she says embarrassed and I let out a giggle before wrapping my arms around her waist loosely.
"Chinese or pizza?" I ask and her whole face lights up.
"Hmm, you pick" she says happily as she twirls a strand of my hair that's fallen out of my ponytail.
Half an hour later we've positioned ourselves at the table with the pizza between us both as we gasp for air through our giggles.
"Did I ever tell you how much I love you laugh?" She says once we both calm down. The laughter still plays in her eyes and on her lips as the question comes from them and I find myself blushing at her.
"I don't think you have" I mumble out and I can almost hear her smirking.
"Well" she starts and I look up to see her smiling at me. "I do" she finishes softly and our eyes bore into each others.
"You know what I love?" I ask and she smirks.
"What?" She asks.
"The last slice of pizza" I answer and she rolls her eyes as she pushes the box over to me.
"Have it, you little shit" she chuckles out and I squeal as I dive into the food.
"You know what we haven't done in a while?" I ask through a mouthful of pizza and she shook her head with a smile.
"Read" her face lights up and she quickly stands and pulls my hand as I shove the last bit of food into my mouth. She leads me over to the beat up couch and sits me down before she scurries over to a box and rummages through. She pulls out a black book with orange print on the front and I instantly know what book it is as she plops down beside me on the sofa.
"To Kill A Mockingbird is a pretty hard book for you Laur" I say as she hands it to me.
"Well I can't read all the words, the ones underlined in red are the ones I can't understand" she says as I flip through the worn out book, it's edges dog-eared and scruffy and the pages peppered with red pen and pencil marks.
"What do the ones marked in pencil mean?" I ask as I notice her staring intently at me.
"There just the lines I've taken a liking to" she says softly making my heart ache at how gorgeous she was.
"Im very proud" I say finally with adoration and place the book between us on the couch.
"And it's such a good book too" I say as her eyes light up.
"I didn't really know much about books, so I asked the lady at the shop and she told me to try this and I couldn't put it down...I guess it's my favourite" she says excitedly, her eyes lighting up as she talked about something she was genuinely interested in. I really did want to stay here forever and talk about books and movies and music and things that make her heart stop and go but as the clock struck 12am and I had work the next morning I knew I couldn't.
"Laur, do you still have that app on your phone?" I ask and she nods and smiles before pulling me up.
"Stay here" she whispers to me before kissing me cheek and running into the bedroom.
I stand in her crummy little flat as a dulled whale of a siren resonates probably from the other side of town, and the light from the bare, cheap bulb illuminates the room and the whole place smells like her, I couldn't help but think I'd happily stay here with her forever. Even if we had to sleep on only a mattress and run out of gas every night and use candles for most of our light, I'd be content as long as it was with her, and we were together and this place was ours.
She reappears with arms full of her duvet and pillows and a smile plays on my lips at how I knew she'd do something like that. She quickly lay down the duvet and pillows and pulled me down into the mass of softness as I let out a little squeal and land on her. She kisses my cheek again before hoping up and turning off the lights, closing the curtains and blowing out the candles before taking out her phone and fiddling with it before the familiar glow of artificial stars light the dark room and she finds her way back to my side, close but not close enough.
"You know.." She starts off whispering into my ear as I smile but keep my eyes on the roof as the stars twinkled and glowed. "If I did this with anyone else, I'd assume it was the best date they've ever been on" she husks and I bite my lip.
"I assume if you did this with anyone else, it wouldn't be half as fun" I whisper cheekily, my gaze still fixed on the ceiling as I feel her eyes bore into the skin of my face.
"I assume you're right" she whispers back and I feel a light touch on my pinky finger I've felt too many times before. She moves her pinky to be flush against mine and I bit my lip harder trying to contain the butterflies rumbling in my stomach. Slowly, her smallest finger wraps around mine and my breath hitches as spark after spark lights under my skin at her contact.
The delicately of the moment aches in my chest as two pinky fingers became entangled, turning to four, to six, before she bravely flipped her hand over and slid it under mine, our palms flush against each others and our fingers racing back to resume their previous position in between she spaces of their companions. I ran my thumb over the back of her hand and melted at how soft her skin was and I heard her breath hitch at the action. I finally turn my head to meet her gaze, the fake stars dancing over her skin and her eyes a clear green and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth; I've ever felt so much for one person than I did right now in this moment.
"I love you" I whisper bravely, disregarding my brains better judgments.
"I love you more" she replied as her eyes sunk into mine, deeper and deeper and closer and closer until our noses touched and hearts raced.
"I need to show you something" she says softly but we don't dare move from our position as our staring match continues. I don't know how long we stay there, not wanting to move forward incase I run away or she's not able to let go yet not wanting to move away incase we never let a moment like this again, because everything about us was uncertain. But I knew I loved her. And when you love someone, you could be staring down the barrel of a gun but still feel secure. You could about to move into another girls apartment but still feel like maybe tonight's different; that maybe the sun won't crack through the window and the birds and cars' noises won't fill my ears and maybe we can just lie here until our hearts stop beating and our lips turn blue. When you love someone the smack of reality doesn't seem so sore, night isn't so dark and death isn't so deep.
But then the clock struck three in the morning and my back was stiff and her hand was shaking from the cold and we both knew it had to end. So she leaned over, planted the sweetest kiss I've ever felt on the skin of my neck and told me she'll never stop loving me. And of course I melted, and butterflies in my stomach made me feel almost ill, and for once in my life I believed someone loved me in such a vast magnitude. She helped me up and dragged the blanket into the bedroom and I helped with the cushions, but before I could turn to leave she lightly tugs my wrist and pleads with her eyes for me to give her five more minutes to which I nod.
She laces our fingers together and leads me to the door of what I assumed was her closet. She turned to look at me and then to the door handle, taking it in her hand before twisting it and pushing open the doors to reveal a small room with maps, pictures and snippets of paper lining the walls. I stare in awe as she leads me in and I spin around to take in everything she's done.
"I've been planing for a while" she says from behind me and I spin around to meet her gaze.
"Is that why all your stuff is in boxes?" I ask softly and she nods.
"Im just going to leave; I've got a car and a route I've planned out for the past month. I guess ill stop when it's right" she says just above a whisper.
"Please come with me" she begs desperately, her voice almost a whining tone as she requests something life changing.
"Lauren..." I trail off and she steps closer to me.
"I don't understand Camila, I love you and you love me. We're in love but you just wont let it happen." She speaks and takes my hands in hers.
"What we just did, out in the living room could be what your nights are filled with. And days could be stuffed with adventure and trips and views you couldn't even imagine. And we could finally just-just be together" her voice starts to crack and I avert my gaze to the floor as I fall deeper and deeper into the idea.
"I want this, with you" she finishes, complete helplessness pouring out of her.
"Im-im moving in with Grace" I say just above a whisper and after silence rings in the air I look up to see tears brimming my favourite pair of eyes.
"...what?" She asks I disbelief.
"But you love me" she says looking into my eyes.
"You belong with me Camila" she stutters out as tear after tear tumbles down her face.
"Is she forcing you?" She asks suddenly and I tense.
"She suggested it I suppos-"
"You don't owe her anything, don't let her pressure you" she rambles out and I sigh.
"I should have hit her harder, that stupid bitch" she mumbles.
"Laur, please don't-"
"You've still got a choice" she says abruptly. "Stay with me, tonight. Then go to work and spend time with her but when you come home tonight, if you don't walk through my door, ill just disappear. And you can live with her and forget about me and I'll never turn back" she says and my mouth flies open to protest but the look she gives me is one I couldn't go against, so I shut it again and let the thoughts be silenced in my mind so I'm left with just her.
I let out a yawn and she takes that as a sign to bring us to bed. She wraps her arms around my waist and leads me back out to the bedroom, delicacy in everything she does. She's done this before, I think as she starts to peel my clothes off my body and plant kisses on the skin she uncovers. But I haven't done it to her. I stop her actions as she starts to pull the baggy t-shirt she got for me over my head and look into her eyes as puzzlement clouds them. I slowly take her shirt into my hands and gently pull it over her head, and once it's off I kiss her forearm, her torso and her collarbone lightly and I feel her breathing start to deepen. I then crouch down in front of her and look up to gain permission to unbutton her jeans to which she nods. I slowly peel them off her body and pull them off, then slowly making my way back up her body by planting slow and deep kisses as I go. I finally reach her face and sigh as I kiss her forehead gently. I grab another shirt from her drawer and pull it over her head as I do the same with mine, lace out fingers together and lead us over to the bed. We both slide in and our bodies don't touch but we both turn to face each other, noses inches apart as we're swallowed by darkness.
"Are you going to sleep?" I ask and she sighs.
"If I do, you'll wake up and you won't be here anymore" she whispers. "Ill think it was all a dream"
"Im sorry" I say softly not knowing what it was pacifically it was for, but I knew it was long over due.
"So am I baby" she replies.
"Ill never love anyone like I love you Camila Cabello" she finally whispers and curls her body into me, her head finding the crook of my neck and our legs tangle as her arms slip around my waist. I knew what I was going to do tomorrow, it might not be what my heart wants, but it was the best for us both; and I'd always have tonight with her.
"And I'm excessively in love you Lauren Jauregui" I whisper into her hair as her breathing evens out and I try to remember as much of her as I can before I fall into sleep myself.