The Definition of Time

Chapter 3

and he looked at her
like she was his earth
and he her revolving planet
he yearned for every glance
savoring each
growing drunk off the taste
of her smile.

August 19, 2013

My stomach is cramped from laughter. I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed so deeply. It's late in the afternoon and we've finished a long day of hiking; we're only two days from the end of the trip, and by now, my feet are blistered and my back sore, but my heart is full. Joy is like a fountain of heat inside of me, pressing against my chest and escaping only in laughter.

We've just thrown our backpacks down and are procrastinating on setting up camp. We've propped ourselves against rocks near by and we rest in the sun and in our hard work. We've hiked ten or fifteen miles today; based on what my body's telling me, I'm guessing it's closer to the latter. 

Jessie's voice calls me to attention, "Before we make dinner and set up camp, does anyone feel like taking a dip in the swimming hole?"

Tyler lets out a whoop of agreement and rips off his shirt, running towards the swimming hole with gusto. Josh and Nate follow suit and jump into the water enthusiastically, sending splashes of water soaring in the air.

Meredith and I shed our t-shirts, revealing our brightly colored but sweat-stained sports bras, and clamber into the water after them. After such a long day of hiking, it feels good to let our muscles relax and our bodies cool in the frigid water. Josh, Tyler, and Nate have already started racing each other in the butterfly, and I don't have the heart to tell them that they've  got nothing on Michael Phelps. 

I lean backwards and float on my back, legs and arms still. Meredith treads water next to me, her thick black hair in five or six French braids, matching mine.

"My mom made me sign up for this trip," she says randomly.

I swim upright and look at her, her eyes gazing at the tops of the trees above us.

"My dad...well, she wanted to get me out of the house as soon as possible. Over the summer, I lived with a friend and worked at a warehouse just to get away from him. I didn't even know I was going on this trip until the day before." Her eyes are glossy and distant.

"Do you regret coming?"

She turns to me with a half-smile on her face, "Nope. I don't believe in regrets."

All I have is regrets. My regrets are why I came on this trip, to leave home and high school behind me. To be brave for once in my life. To stop cowhering in shadows and letting others speak for me. 

"I'm gonna relax on that rock for a while," I tell Mer, motioning to a nearby boulder that's bathed in sunlight.

I climb onto it, feeling the sun dispelling the cold of the water from my skin. I rub my sore legs and arch my toes, letting my entire body relax. Leaning backwards against the rock and curling my knees under me, my eyes fall shut. Did you ever expect to be this happy? At the beginning of everything? No. I had expected to hate these two weeks. I had expected to make a fool of myself. Are you ready to leave here? No. Every time I think about the upcoming semester and going back to real life, I'm filled with that familiar burning anxiety. No, I'm definitely not ready.

I must have dozed off because when I hear Josh's voice, I sit up in a rush and bang my elbow against the rock.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

He's sitting next beside me, watching me with that ever-present smirk on his face.

"Oww," I grumble, rubbing my jarred funny bone and turning to him with my knees pulled to my chest.