The Definition of Time

Chapter 43

I thought I could forget you
I thought I could forget
the way I smiled and bit my lip
every time your blue eyes caught mine
how a touch could cause
a volcano of butterflies to erupt in my stomach
the way we magically found ourselves
together
where ever we'd go
the magnetism between bodies
opposites attracting.

I thought I could forget
the tears I sobbed
alone in the woods
wondering where I went wrong
why I wasn't good enough
for you to want us
the way my eyes always find you
in a crowded cafeteria
across hundreds of people
the way an accidental brush
feels like a thousand needles pricking my skin
eliciting a cliche chemistry
that I always despised
before I met you.

I thought I could forget you
but when I attempt to expel
these memories from my existence
it's like trying to reject a part of myself
your memory is ingrained in me
haunting my dreaming and waking
I can't forget you
or I'll forget a piece of myself

March 2, 2015

"I've known him for almost two years," I whisper to myself, "there's no reason to be nervous. It's a pity date. Nothing more."

But hope has taken root in my chest, and I couldn't squash it if I wanted to. This is my second chance with Josh, and I refuse to squander it.

"Are you talking to yourself in the mirror again?"

I whirl around to see Jordan smirking at me from the doorway. "Maybe."

"Are you excited for your special night with Josh?" she asks in a singsong voice, running over to poke me in the stomach.

"Oh, shut up," I grumble. "We should probably get ready. What do we have, an hour?"

"Half an hour."

"Normal girls would be waiting in the lobby for their beaus to pick them up by now," I say, sighing and running a hand through my wild mass of curls.

"Since when have we been normal?" Jordan asks, going to the closet and pulling out our dresses.

Jordan convinced me to buy the maroon dress and she bought a strapless floor length body con dress in sapphire. I'm pretty sure Luis and Josh aren't going to know who we are, considering they've only ever seen us in stretchy pants and t-shirts.

Jordan and I put on our makeup; I stay within the realm of possibility and only wear foundation, mascara, and black eyeliner while Jordan goes for the whole shebang with her contouring kit.  Using an entire pack of bobby pins, I manage to pin my hair to one side, allowing my rambunctious curls to flow freely down one shoulder. Jordan goes for an updo to emphasize her elegant decolletage; she's never really been one for subtlety. Finally, we wriggle into our dresses and heels with only a moderate amount of groaning. I glance in the mirror and run my fingers across the delicate lace overlaying the bodice. I've never really thought of myself as pretty, but tonight I feel beautiful. 

Finally, we grab our purses and totter towards the elevator. Though we didn't have time for a last minute McDonald's run, I swiped a handful of cookies from the cafeteria and Jordan got leftover fries, insisting they're still good cold. She's probably right.

We make it to the lobby where Luis, Josh, Chloe, and hot Simon are waiting for us. I'm a bit concerned that I'm accidentally going to call Chloe's date "hot barista boy" sometime during the course of the evening. As the elevator doors swing open, I feel a surge of anticipation. 

"We're here," Jordan announces, wobbling toward Luis and brazenly throwing her arms wide.

I hang back shyly as Luis takes Jordan's hand and twirls her in a circle, openly admiring how she looks in the dress. Josh walks past them as if they aren't there and smiles at me. He's so handsome I lose my breath for a moment; he's wearing a suit I've never seen before that fits him perfectly and emphasizes the broad strength of his shoulders. My eyes, however, are drawn to his smile, and the two little dimples that are barely perceivable beneath the dark stubble along his jaw.