The Definition of Time

Chapter 48

don't you know
I've missed you
since the day we met
and I don't think
I will ever stop?  

May 1, 2015

I'm ashamed to say that we made out in that aisle of the bookstore long enough that one of the clerks had to cough loudly to get our attention. 

Now Josh is taking me out to dinner. I don't care where we go; after the bookstore, Josh could take me to McDonald's and I would call it gourmet.

"How long have you been planning this?" I ask Josh.

I've always known he cares about me, but this sort of a date shows a thoughtfulness in him that I haven't noticed before. I like discovering new things about him.

"A while," he says evasively. "I thought about taking you to the Library of Congress, but a private, hole-in-the-wall bookstore seemed more your style."

"It was so perfect." I smile whimsically. "Did I say thank you yet?"

"A few times," Josh answers with a pleased chuckle. 

Josh drives us through the small town, finally stopping in the parking lot of a little log cabin restaurant called "Uncle Joe's." Josh lifts me out of the truck with his hands on my waist, and before he can release me, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

We walk into the restaurant hand-in-hand, and a waitress takes us to a corner table where flutes of sparkling cider and steaming buttery rolls already await us. We're given menus, and as I pretend to scan mine, I study Josh instead. I study the way laugh lines spread from the corners of his almond-shaped eyes. I study the swirling kaleidoscope of colors dancing in his blue eyes. I follow the line of his straight nose to his mouth that is always quirked in a smile. I admire the sharp slant of his jaw and the short stubble of his dark beard. Holy crap, he's hot.

Josh starts to laugh. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were checking me out."

I wrinkle my nose and hide my face behind my menu. "I can't help it. You're really cute."

Josh reaches underneath the table and grabs my hand, squeezing it. "You're adorable when you're embarrassed."

Eventually we order our dinners and get lost in easy conversation and good, home-cooked food. The restaurant is warm and cozy and it lulls me into this dream-like state where time never passes and only Josh and I exist. After eating dinner, we each get our own hot fudge sundaes (because why share when you can get your own?) and I lean back into my seat.

"I wish days like today could last forever," I sigh fancifully.

"Maybe they will," Josh murmurs nearly inaudibly. 

My eyes jerk to Josh's face. Josh, live-in-the-moment Josh, thinking about forever? He gazes at me steadily, hope and sincerity written in the furrowing of his eyebrows and warmth in his eyes. We haven't really talked about the future; it's only been two months, and most couples would be focusing on getting to know each other, but we seem to be doing things backwards.

"You really think so?" I ask breathlessly.

"Rach, you're the only girl I've ever met who actually makes me want to plan for the future," Josh says with a grin.

I reach across the table and hold his hand. "And you're the only person I know that makes me want to live in the present."

Uncharacteristically, I find myself reticent to talk about the future. Normally, I would jump on the opportunity and ask the questions swirling around my brain. Who will visit whom? Will we see each other over the summer? Should I visit his family? What happens when I move away from school? I think about Chloe's offer, and I realize that I need to tell Josh what I'm considering.