The Definition of Time

Chapter 44

we were a spark, darling
and I tried to fan us into flame
but a fire we were never meant to be
and we burnt out as quickly as we ignited 

March 2, 2015

We fall together just as if we're meant to be. My hands naturally weave around his neck as his arms tangle around my waist, resting in the small of my back. His touch leaves a trail of fire across my skin, and I lean into him. You could burn me alive, I want to say, and I would still have no regrets.

His touch brings me back to the first time we danced; it was a night much like this, in a smoky bar instead of an open field, but it turned from dream to nightmare in an instant. This is our second chance to redeem that horrible night.

My eyes connect with his, and I only see his cerulean eyes against the fading lights behind him. They are searching mine, and I can sense the pensive tension between us as we breathe the same air, faces only inches apart. My own words echo back to me. Be brave.

Eyelashes fluttering downward, I whisper, "Josh, I still..."

I don't know how I would have finished that sentence. I still love you. I still have feelings for you. I still want you. In the end, it doesn't matter. I have no chance to say anything because Josh silences me.

He kisses me, his lips searing into mine gently but insistently, and my entire body responds to his kiss. Electricity runs between us, sparking in every place our bodies meet. My hands move to cradle his head as he kisses me so forcefully that I feel myself leaning backwards in his arms. His kiss transforms from gentle to passionate until I feel as if I'm being consumed. His hand travels up my spine and then brushes down my neck until it rests against my jaw as he turns my head to deepen the kiss. Every shared breath between us brings me to life.

This is the moment that I've been waiting for since the day we met, and it exceeds even my wildest expectations. My entire body is trembling as I try to channel every ounce of love inside of me into the kiss. I love you, I want to whisper against his lips, I'll always love you.

Eventually, we run out of breath and pull apart slowly, foreheads touching and breaths panting. Our eyes meet, and a smile takes over my face. In one moment, we were both brazenly courageous. In one moment, everything changed.

My voice shudders as I whisper, "So...this is...this is what you want? You want us?"

Josh smiles. "I want you, Rach. I screwed up three months ago. It was...it was the biggest mistake I've ever made, my biggest regret. And..."

"And tonight, it's like the universe decided to give us a second chance," I finish.

"Yeah, exactly," he says, and a smile sneaks across his face.

I reach up and let my fingers graze his jaw, lingering on first a dimple and then his lips.

"I've liked you for a really long time, y'know," I tease.

Josh laughs and looks down contritely. "I know, I'm an idiot."

"Maybe a little," I answer, leaning up to kiss him again.

I revel in this feeling, the feeling of having the freedom to show and tell him exactly how I feel with no restraint.

We pull apart again, and he whispers, "Rach, I'm so sorry. I was...I was afraid."

"I was too," I whisper back. "I still am, a little."

Josh laughs, "Me too. But no regrets?"

"No regrets," I say as he kisses me again and our bodies twine together.