The Genetic Code

Chapter 6

"Secrets are offspring of lies. They're like dark clouds that just get larger and larger until you can't see past them; until they're all you are."

"Why did you listen to her? Why did you start the lying? Where does it end?"

"You can't turn back now. You've dredged a pit so deep in lies that now you can't get out."

"Your whole life is a lie."

"The only reason people accept you is because they don't know what you really are."

"Can you imagine what they would think?"

"Your friends... your family... None of them would want you if they knew."

"You'd be tossed out on the streets, like the piece of trash you are. Kicked, stepped on, crushed."

"It's what you deserve."

"They're going to find out."

"The Test will reveal it all. It will expose you for the liar you are; for what you really are."

"I already know everything."

"I know what you are."

I shoot awake, swallowing big gulps of air. As my lungs scream for oxygen, I find myself trembling, feeling utterly cold. That subconscious illusion seemed more like it was right in front of my eyes, rather than some distant fog of a dream swimming in my mind. I could hear the voices, as if they were being projected from all directions and being whispered into my ear at the same time.

I guess as some point in the night my mind finally managed to slow the running thoughts enough for me to fall asleep, but these thoughts followed me in to my subconsciousness, occupying my mind like a thick black shadow. Warnings, implications, undeniable truths.

It's strange, since I never dream. I used to dream a lot when I was a kid, the years following the adoption. Blurry visions of broken cities with fragmented people; a lonely house filled with hundreds of children; a sad woman and a struggling man. It was like looking through grime-stained glass and catching a glimpse of something behind it.

Over the years, the dreams became less frequent, until I stopped having them completely, as if my mind had shut them out. 

I take deep breaths, calming my racing heartbeat and thunderous thoughts. I fumble for my phone on the bedside table in the dark. The screen lights up in a soft glow and displays the time: six-thirty. A pop-up notification appears on the lock screen, "Today: Judgement Day".

I shut off my phone and drop it onto the quilt cover. A long groan scratches out of my throat as I slam a pillow over my face and try to smother myself into another dimension.

On the bus ride to school, I surprisingly feel nothing. Its like all my worrying had been expended yesterday, and now I'm just hollow. Those flurries of anxiety and consternation that were thrashing around in my stomach agglutinated and now sit like a heavy pit on my stomach walls. I know its in there weighing me down, but it had transformed into a hard solid that stays lodged in position so that I can't feel anything.

At this point, I realize that there isn't any use in continuously plaguing my mind with distress and presentiment. There's nothing I can do about it — My fate is already living in my blood. No matter how much I torment myself and try to will the problem away, the truth will be spoken through my DNA. It's a twisted form of acceptance; an animal fated to slaughter. So I sit still; unspeaking, unthinking, unfeeling, as I'm being driven on the road towards my doom.