Found You(BWWM)

72%

Emotional chapter.Beware.

Colin's pov

I've noticed that anytime Joel and I move further in our relationship,she pushes me away.Im not sure why but that's what's happening.

"Jay?You alright?"I asked,rubbing her back.

She tries to stand and winces."Ow!"

"I'm sorry.I didn't mean to."I pouted,feeling horrible.

"It's not you.I shouldn't have made you go faster when I know that I'm gonna be sore in the morning.What was I thinking?I can barely walk."She muttered,limping to the bathroom.

I followed her.She splashed water on her face.

"I feel so bad,Joel.Maybe I can help?"I suggested,standing directly behind her.She was bent over so this was a really sexual position.

Joel stood up quickly."Oh no you don't need to worry about that."

In her attempt to escape me,she knocked down a bottle of medication.

"Jay?"I asked,in confusion.What is going on?

I pulled her arm back and she bumped into my chest.

"Colin,we have to go to school!"She yelled,trying to run away.It didn't end well.

"Fuck!"she fell on her face.

"Joel!??"I stooped down to make sure she was okay.

"I'm fine."she whispered,closing her eyes.

"Let me help you."I said,picking her up.

"I don't need your help!Go away!"She ran upstairs and slammed the door.

What did I do?

.

.

.

I was really worried.

"Joel?"I asked,talking on the outside of the door.

"I told you to go away."she yelled back.

"I don't know what I did.At least will you tell me!?"

"No,I can't.I told you I'll be alright just leave."

"If this has to do with you losing your virginity I felt the same.When it was over,I went to my room and  I locked the doors.I stared at my ceiling and counted the fake star stickers that were there.Then I thought about how good life was at the time.I thought about what I had.I thought about what I took for granted every day.I thought about my mom and dad.I thought about life itself.How nothing matters.Nothing hurts as much as knowing that we take so much things for granted  and then not knowing what you have until it's gone.Nothing.Joel,don't be angry at me because it's over.Be happy that it was with someone you love.Because I love you so much and you shouldn't push someone away who cares about you like I do.And I'm sorry that it hurt.Im sorry that it was painful.I don't know what to do about that.So,if you open the door maybe I can help?"

The door cracked.

She stood there in shorts and a tank top,with tears falling from her eyes.

She gave me a hug and I held her tight.

"Shhh,it's gonna be okay."

And she cried.And cried.And cried.

I was there.Holding her.

.

.

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"Joel,cmon we just talked about this stop pushing me away."I whispered,pulling her close.

"I'm sorry.Can I just pee first?Ive been holding it up for a while."I could see right through her.

Why was she lying to me?

"Jay,please don't do this.Just talk to me.We had sex.Its over.Now let's talk.What are you thinking?cuz I'm lost"

She played with the button on her shorts.

"I'm-Im worthless.I don't deserve this.I don't deserve you."She was looking at the ground.

I sighed.Why was she saying this?

I watched as she undid the button of her shorts and slipped them off.

"Can you make the pain go away,Colin?"she asked me.

And all of sudden I felt the urge to cry.This reminded me of Gemma.Way too much.

"No,I can't."My lip trembled as she moved closer to me.

"Please?"I felt her lips press against my neck.

I can feel it.Her pain.And I'm trying really hard to contain myself from bursting.

"Joel,forget about this.Lets go to school.Lets put this all behind us.Come on."I dragged her to the door.She pulled away from me.

"NO!NO!You don't get to have a substitute for your sadness when I don't!I want one Colin.I want a replacement for the guilt I feel.You have school and what do I have?nothing.Anytime I'm with you I feel guilty because I know what I did to him.I know what I did to Chase.Its all my fault.And now I had sex and it's all supposed to be okay.I do my best to hide it.I do my best but I feel so wrong.I just..."

She screamed.

I have to stand here and be the strong boyfriend but I can't.I feel her emotion and I just want to cry.

"Colin,I think we should break up."she whispered.

What?What is she talking about?

"Break up!?!I HAVE HAD ENOUGH WITH YOUR SHIT.That isn't the fucking answer you want the answer?"I leaned her against the wall.

"You act all big and bad but inside you're hurting and it's not gonna get better if you don't talk about how you feel.Im here.Im always here.And you never talk to me about him.Chase right?Its okay to talk.Its okay."

Joel shook her head."I want to break up."

"No you don't.Youre just hurting."

"I've always wanted to break up.From the day I invited Antonio over.I always wanted to end it."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"I never loved you.I just used you for the guilt.That hesitation when you asked me about it well theres a reason for it.I wanted it to mean something so I chose you.To get rid of the guilt.AND IT WORKED!I feel great!So we're over."She yelled,breathing heavily.

I laughed,sarcastically."You better run."

#rip Joel

If y'all think you seen Colin mad well welcome to Colin mad.

Oh and remember to add my new story(Behind the Wall)to ur libraries so u know when the first chapter is updated!!!!

Xoxo nia🙂