Love me or hate me, this is my life

daddy dont leave me

I loved my dad more than anything he felt like the only parent I had because my mum was always away we had so many good times and I he was my Superman. He always called me L and since he died I absolutely hate it when people call me that. the night he died it was just me and him walking to the resturant for my special birthday gift even though it was a day after my birthday

when I was little I thought my dad's job was to sell flour and herbs but I guess I know better now

it was so warm that night and I was wearing my finest clothes I was so happy and my daddy seemed to be happy too we were just walking down the narrow quiet deserted road because we decided not to take the car because it was such a warm beautiful night

"daddy where exactly are we going " I asked for the hundredth time hoping to get an answer this time round

"you are just going to have to wait and see L"

"but daddy I want to know pleaseeeeeee tell me"

"were almost there beautiful "

"daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy tell me"

"L, you need to learn to be more patient we're almost th......" that's when we heard a gunshot my daddy quickly looked at me grabbed my arm then started running BANG!!! ANOTHER gunshot my dad's eyes were restless frantically looking for a safe spot

"DADDY WHAT'S GOING ON" I screamed at the top of my lungs with tears uncontrollably streaming down my face he didn't answer me

"DADDY" I screamed even louder and he pulled me around the corner bent down to my eye level smiled at me and gently touched my hair

"I will love you forever and always L don't you ever forget that" my daddy said, that was something he always said to me

"but daddy what's going on why were there gun shots " I said breathlessly

" L, look at me don't worry about anything OK everything will be fine I mean look at us we have always been happy and we always will be I mean you don't even know if those were real gunshots they could have been anything else I love you L come. on let's go" and just when he stood up straight again BANG!! the third and final gun shot and my dad fell to the ground there was blood everywhere and everything seemed like it was in slow motion he made eye contact with me with his dead lifeless eyes before falling to the ground and twitching uncontrollably for what felt like years before he was still

"DADDY " I screamed louder than I ever have before "HELP ME SOMEONE ANYONE HELP ME SOME ONE PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU HELP ME" I was screaming but no one could hear me I needed help but no one was there for me my daddys phone was broken and I didn't have one I couldn't help but just look at my dad's lifeless eyes all the colour had drained from his skin and I was sitting in a pool of blood, a pool of my own daddys blood I felt faint

I screamed for hours and hours on end hoping someone will come to help me after hours of screaming I finally heared ambulance sirens and I screamed even louder so that they will know where I am I was so relieved to see a bunch of men here to help my farther they quickly put him in the ambulance and I followed.

shortly after we arrived to the hospital my mum was there too I could no longer speak after all that screaming and I was feeling very paranoid with every sound

the doctors asked me a whole bunch of questions which I don't even remember what they said the only thing that the doctors said that I will never forget is

"I'm so sorry to be the one who has to tell you this but your farther is no longer with us he is in a better place now"

"don't give me that he is in a better place bullshit I fucking want him here with me" I thrived to say that with what's left of my voice it was also the first time I had ever sworn at anyone.

as I came back to reality I just wanted a hug I wanted someone there for me and it hurt knowing I had no one it felt like I was screaming out for help for someone anyone but no one could hear me I've been feeling like that a lot since that day

tears were streaming down my face and once again I felt stupid sad and just depressed.

I put on my music playing it really loud through my Sony speakers I played only sad songs because all the happy songs just pissed me off lately I just couldn't stand it

I couldn't help but just think about my dad how handsome and kind he was wow I Miss him so bad it really hurts it's been about 6 years and it still hurts to think about I couldn't stand the pain but I couldn't make it go away

"I miss you daddy I really love you" and I could almost hear him whisper

"I love you forever and always L, don't you ever forget that" and from there I just cried myself to sleep