To the boy I once loved

t w e n t y

Dear Jason,

You know what sucks? Laying here wondering when this pain would end; when I would finally feel accepted in a world full of hate rather than love. All my life I was waiting for my knight in shinning armor to save me while thinking all this time it would've been you who would save me from my misery, but guess I was wrong. All you did was torture me without even knowing it. 

Taylor came to see me today. He said I'd looked paler than usually, and that I didn't have that sparkle of life inside my eyes anymore. Who could blame him? I'm dying for goodness sake. I don't want to though. Wow I'm being selfish now. No one wants to die. No one. Only a few who gets to kiss death in the ass and laugh because they lived. Well my case won't have the same outcome.

I don't want to leave Taylor; he has always been there for me. Lifting me up and filling the holes that many people left in me. He saved me. But now all his savings is going to waste. I took his hard work and throwing it away.

Why am I so evil?

Hurting the only person who ever cared for me?

My only friend in a dark, selfish world.

I'm dying and cancer is kicking my ass. 

It hurts.

But the fights over.

There wasn't really a fight to begin with.

All I know it that I lay here in oblivion to the world around me waiting for a peaceful ending to finally leave all these people who never cared.

I guess this is goodbye for good. Even though you broke me and shatter my heart, but there's always one part of me that would always love you. I really do. I wish you just saw it, but now's to late.

                                                   Goodbye love,

                                                                     The dying girl, Bella.

Author's note

It's almost the end of the book!1!1! AHHHH... 

And I'm really sorry if the book is confusing.

I apparently couldn't stick to my orginial plan on how this book was supposed to go. 

So thank you to those who stuck by this book even though it hasn't made sense in a couple of the chapters.