Sweet Boy's Split Decision (11)

Nineteen

***Okay, I need a break. Hope you've enjoyed these, what, 10 chapters? I'll see you guys in a few days (or tomorrow, who knows) :)

"I'm not scared." It was an automatic reaction and he didn't respond, just stared at me. "I mean..."

"Yeah, yeah, don't give me that 'everyone's afraid of something' bullshit babe. I'm not asking you how you are when we pass on the street, Chris; I really want to know. I'm telling you that you are scared and I want to know why. Of Sir Greg? Of yourself? Who hurt you so much?"

"I... I..." I stammered. I felt like I'd been punched. He was right, I was scared. "Of everything, okay? Of messing up, of him leaving."

He had the audacity to laugh. "Him leave? You? You're kidding." But I wasn't and I watched his expression change as he realized it. "He won't. Have you been left a lot?" He came over and sat next to me and all of a sudden I felt like Greg and was really glad I didn't have to make eye contact. "Chris? Is it because of Nick?"

"Not, I mean..." What he had seen of Nick was just the tip of the iceberg. No,  this most recent betrayal barely even hurt compared to when he left me the first time.  "People just leave Ollie, it's what they do."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is! If I'm too out or too needy or too ME everyone leaves me! Nick, my family, everyone. People say they love me but they don't! I'm going to mess up and he's going to be done with me."

"Sir Greg won't do that."

"Of course he will! That's why I had to leave him first! But I couldn't even do that and now I'm... oh GOD!" I clasped my hand over my mouth as if I could bite back the truth that had already spilled.

"Oh Chrissy. And now the punishments make sense and the safewording disaster and... oh honey."

"It's not, I mean I don't think that. I don't KNOW!" How could something be simultaneously true and untrue? I did trust him, mostly. None of this had anything to do with deciding about silverware. "I can't deal with this today Ollie."

He patted my hand. "Okay. Maybe if you're too scared to ask him about things, maybe you could make a list of things you would like to bring and let him cross off ones he doesn't want you to. Or something... But you have to try.

It was a good suggestion. "I don't like when things are hard. Don't! I'm being serious.  I hate making a fuss and making things difficult. It's just easier to go along with what he wants."

"Yes, I already know you're a sub, Chris.  But honestly, you make a fuss about things that aren't important. Why? Testing him?  Wondering how far you can push before... oh, before he leaves?  Am I close?"

"I don't know." And I didn't. I really didn't.

"Chris? You're a catch. You're smart and sexy and independently wealthy and let's not forget that you're funny and sweet and turning into a great cook. And kinky. Doms like kinky. And most of all, you're good to him. He was devastated when you left. Look, I saw him. I saw him and it hurt ME enough that I was MAD as hell at you, okay? Do you have any idea how weird it was for me to be on his side? He won't leave you. You have cuffs."

I looked down at them and twisted one so I could read it. "I do."

"They mean a lot to him. And Chris, he wants to live with you. To be with you more. To make you happy."

"He does." I didn't know why, but it was true. He really did. He was trying so hard. "I love him."

"And he loves you. You can tell him you want your pillow, Chrissy. He'll be okay. Look, I know it's not as easy with him as some. The mugs, maybe not, you're right about the matching and sets thing but your silverware might work as long as you're not missing a spoon."

I couldn't help but smile. Maybe he was was right.

"Look, if you get nervous just remember he's letting you bring a cat. A cat. Pretty much any inanimate object is going to slide." He stood. "Time for wine. I may need an Uber to get me home in time to start dinner."

My phone rang. "It's my doctor's office, hold on."

"I'm not holding on, I'm pouring wine. You answer."

"Christopher? This is Ann from Doctor Taylor's office. We don't have all the labs in yet but so far all the results are good except for your iron and B-12 levels. You're very anemic and he wants to start you on an iron supplement plan as well as B-12 injections as soon as possible. Could you come in today?"

"Today? Is it that big of a deal? Can I just buy some pills at CVS? Wait, injections?"

"Yes. If you can't make it today, how is Monday for you? Doctor Taylor will explain everything more thoroughly once you're in the office."

"I um, I can do now. I guess? I just need to... "call Greg. "4:30?"

"We'll see you then" she answered, obviously happy about my answer.

Ollie had lied, he hadn't poured. "I have to go. I need to call Greg and..."

"Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah, yeah." Compared to him I was fine. "Just anemic. I'll fill you in tonight, I guess."

"Okay. I'm taking this home, we'll drink it tonight. Find out if you can drink!"

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I will. Thanks, for everything."

"Any time honey, any time. See you later."

I texted Greg as soon as I got in the car and he called me back long before I got to Doctor Taylor's office. Apparently it was fine and I was going to live and he was rather upset at himself for not putting it together. He told me to do whatever the Doctor said and he would go over things with me tonight. It was nice to know he was there. That he cared. I didn't think it was wishful thinking either, I think he really wanted to be with me for my appointment. Being in different cities sucked.