TFMO 2: Crossroads

Songs...

Sabi ko maguupdate ako ng 14 eh tapos nun nagcheck ako ng ulo ko, walangya! butas pala! tsss
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Aston's POV

=________= nakakainis yung Corvette na yun! ume-epal nanaman hindi ba ke Rain na yun? tsss! at ano namang ikinaiinis ko? hindi ba dapat flat affect na ako? tama flat affect lang dapat ako, wala na akong emotions wala na! hindi na pede...hindi na din ako pedeng kiligin sa kasal namin ni Lena. Lalo na at alam ko namang hindi niya talaga ako minahal. Napabuntong hininga ako as I looked down, once again naninikip ang dibdib ko, damn doctors kung ano ano pa sinasabeng regimen ko daw, ayoko na hindi ko na kelangan ng mga gamot na yan. I'm perfectly fine! yeah...I'm fine...I'll be fine.

Naisuklay ko ang mga daliri ko sa buhok ko. I've been having nightmares about it every night which was driving me out of my sanity. I saw Lena...my Lena crumbling to pieces, at napapalitan ng isang babaeng cold, harsh at walang ibang alam na gawin kundi ang maghiganti...and it was all my fault. Paulit ulit kong sinisisi ang sarili ko sa nakaraan, dahil kung iisipin mo nga naman ay kasalanan kong lahat. Kung alam ko lang na mangyayari ang lahat ng ito, then I should've stayed away from her...di sana ay hinayaan ko nalang na mahulog ang loob niya kay Corvette...he's a good man, and he deserves her more than I do. In a few days ay ikakasal na kami, yet it's out of revenge...I've planned long for this, pero ngayon parang wala man lang akong maramdamang excitement. Knowing that I was gonna marry the vengeful Major General of the army...ay parang...I don't know...she's not Lena anymore.

I ruined everything and I killed her. Pinatay ko ang dating Lena the Lena who was innocent, sweet, caring, honest...binagsak ko ang sarili ko sa kama at pumikit ako ng mariin. I want to listen to her, to hear her explanations but I'm afraid...natatakot ako, my love for her is too much even for the heavens to measure... people may not seem to get it, especially our friends, but what she said have cut the final line. Ayokong maniwala na totoo ang mga sinabi niya kay Drei, pero nagsusumiksik sa utak ko na totoo ang mga iyon. It explains everything...kung bakit...kung bakit the past still haunts me now...ang hirap. Kung sana...sana lang. My visions of forever was lost for eternity, dahil no matter how my heart shouts her name, my brains keep on denying it. I would have nightmares of her and me, happy together like old times and then suddenly a Lena with a gun approaches at in an instant wala na ang Lena na minahal ko.

"My work is everything, ng iwan ako ni Aston ten years ago nagbago na ang lahat, I am not the same Lena I used to be parte ng paghihiganti ko ang pagpapanggap ko, I was hitting two birds with one stone, fulfilling my duty as the Major General and inflicting the pain he inflicted on me ten years ago" 

Yan ang paulit ulit na umaalingawngaw sa isipan ko, everytime I closed my eyes I would hear that, to the point that I've been taking sleeping pills just to drift to sleep. I want to listen to her...to believe her, but I'm terrified. The pain I felt when I heard those words nearly pushed me to pull the trigger against my head, I've thought about suicide a couple of times no matter how sick the idea was. HIndi iilang beses na sinubukan kong magoverdose ng sleeping pills in the hope na hindi na ako magising, but enough of that...kung hindi niya ako kayang mahalin then it's fine...of course it's not but hindi ako loser...hindi ako magiging bitter, enough of wasting my time on brooding all over the past. Magmomove on na ako kahit ayoko, kahit mahirap...moving forward is the only way to live afterall. Kahit pa kasal na ako kay Lena, I know someday magsasawa din siya sa paghihiganti sa akin and then she'll drop me like a hot potato, kaya ngayon palang. Iiwasan ko ng mainlove sa kanya ulit.