From A Distance

Papa

Dear Richard,

You have become like a son to me, and I knew that you had a good heart.

The first time na nakita kita, I became so amused by your personality and dedication. Lalo na noong nalaman ko ang storya ng pamilya mo. I have always been fond of helping people out, but there was just something so special about you. Kaya ganoon na lang kita tinulungan. Pinagaral kita, supported your family and gave you guys a proper home, even though I knew that I wouldn't get anything in return.

I guess I also saw myself in you, with your willingness to help. The only difference is you actually helped your own family, unlike me who didn't even take the time to check up on my own.

I was thrilled when you asked to train to become my bodyguard. You we're so upfront when you told me, and I admired you even more for your guts. So, even though we just met, I put you through to training and after you finished; I was quick to trust you with my life. Many doubted, but I knew that you were going to prove them wrong.

Marami din ang nagtatanong sa akin kung bakit ikaw daw ang pinili ko to become my daughter's bodyguard. Diba, ikaw din tinanong mo ako kung bakit? To be honest, I actually don't have a proper explanation for it. To me, it just felt like the right thing to do. I mean, you guys were the same age, I considered it that you would be able to relate to each other easier. And that she wouldn't feel like there was someone always shadowing her, rather that she would just have a friend who'll always be there with her.

And it did happen, you guys formed this really strong bond, that even I couldn't break. Natakot ako noong nalaman ko na napaka lapit niyo na sa isa't isa. Kaya ganoon na lang ang pagpigil ko sa inyo.

Pero, I realised that I couldn't do that to Maine. She was already going through so much pain. Whenever she made visits - which wasn't frequent - I no longer saw the twinkle in her eyes that used to be present when her Mom was still around. But somehow, you were successful in bringing that back. I don't know how you did it. But I confirmed, that pulling you away will only make her pull herself further away from me.

I know that I haven't been a good father to her. Even though we've rebuilt our relationship, I can still see the hesitation in her eyes. I always regret not giving her more time. And the most painful thing is, I only just realised that I didn't give her mother and her priority. I thought that by providing for them financially, it would be enough for them to feel my love. However, it was actually time that they were needing from me.

I take back everything I said when I told you that you disappointed me. I realised that by disobeying my commands, you were somehow also fulfilling your promise to me that you would take care of her. I allowed you to enter into her life again, knowing that she needed you there, not as someone to protect her, but as someone who will make her feel loved.

Nakikita mo din naman na hindi ako nagagalit sa'yo for letting Maine go on her own. It's because you knew her better, Richard. And by being capable of this, I knew that you knew what was going to be best for her.

Kung hindi mo man alam, ako alam ko. Mahal mo ang anak ko, Richard. At masasabi ko ding mahal ka niya. Isang tingin niyo pa lang sa isa't isa, naaalala ko na ang una naming pagkikita ng asawa ko. Kagaya mo, natakot din ako noon. Na baka hindi niya ako tanggapin, na baka mag dalawang isip siya. Pero Richard, tanggap na tanggap ka niya, at sigurado siya sa nararamdaman niya.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang napagusapan niyo bago siya umalis. Akala ko, ay may pupuntahan lang siya saglit kaya hindi ko na pinigilan. Not only that, but I was also busy with attending the guests. I only just remembered today when I saw a glimpse of her face, that she looked hurt. Her face was like that when she finally accepted that she lost her Mom. And I think she had the same face because she realised that she was losing you. I hope you prove her wrong.

That's why Richard, please. Take care of her. You're my only chance. Give her the love that she's been looking for. Because I don't know if she'll experience that from me, ever again.

It's a hundred million pesos or me, Richard. I tried my best to gather as much money as I could, but I failed once again. I guess that's all I'll ever be good at, failure. At least now, I hope that she'll understand how much I truly love her, by sacrificing my own life.

I know you've been itching to ask me about what's going on. I owed people money, Richard. I needed to do it para panagutan ang mga pangako ko sa maraming tao, para matulungan sila. That's one of the things I hated; giving people false hope, and so I did everything I can to fulfil my promises to them, even borrowing money from dangerous people. I feel like such a hypocrite admitting that, because I didn't even know na matagal ko nang pinapaasa ang sarili kong anak.

Ang anak ko, naaawa ako sa kaniya dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa nila ngayon sa kaniya. At galit na galit ako sa sarili ko, kasi ako ang may kasalanan ng lahat ng ito. Kung binigyan ko lang siya ng importansya, hindi sana ito mangyayari sa kaniya. And now, I don't even know if I'll be able to ask her for forgiveness for it.

Tell her I love her, Richard, and tell her that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for putting her through this, I'm sorry for not giving them time. Because I truly do regret everything I've done.

Don't try to come look for me, because if you do, you'll lose the both of us.

- N. Mendoza

Richard drops the letter to the ground. And stands up from the chair. He scans the room, unable to figure out his next steps. For the first time in his life someone else was a step ahead of him.

A/N: Iyak na me. Sakit isulat nito guys.

On another note, I'm joining the AMACon4 challenge! Please support me by heading over to twitter (mtfaulkerson)! Or, you can also view them here on Wattpad as I made a compilation just for it. You can view that by going to my home page and looking for "AMACon 4 - Serendipitous: Entry Compilation". Thanks so much!