Bending Steele

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Abby made another lap around the empty floor of the Kit Cat Club, her heart sick, and her thoughts racing. Her eyes glanced back towards the hallway of Mike's office, but there was still no sign of movement. Only Jack stood by the door, sentinel, sullen, and quiet. He refused entrance to anyone, and denied any answers to her questions other than to tell her Clara was alive. Abby felt like screaming at the top of her lungs. Frustration and fear clawed at her for the people she'd grown to love like a family, and her chest tightened painfully wondering what her stepfather might have done to poor Clara. After all the pain she'd already suffered in her life, she didn't deserve this. Abby wrung her hands, twisting them round and round as she looked towards Mike's door again. Honestly, she had no idea what Dean might have done, or what shape Clara was in. Not knowing if she was going to make it...or if she was going to die. She swallowed hard around the lump growing in her throat. She couldn't think about that, she refused to think the worst.

Turning on her heel, she spun away from the door, and continued on her way across the dance floor. Due to what had happened, the club was closed for the night. Most of the staff either went home for the evening or were out front handing out free drink vouchers to the disappointed and angry customers who had been lined up for hours in the cold to get inside. Scotty stood at the bar, wiping down the pristine top for the millionth time while Steph kept restocking cocktail straws only to dump them out, and redo it again and again. It was busy work. Something to keep them preoccupied, and she wished she had something to do or, at the very least, that someone would break the unbearable silence. Everyone was being as quiet as the grave, and it was deafening. Abby flinched at the choice of words running through her mind. Right now, she wished for the distracting sounds of conversations, clanking glasses and beating music.

Anything to drown out the sound of the loud thudding in her ears caused by her blood pumping so hard it almost hurt. She felt like she was about to vomit. Her heart was firmly lodged in her throat, and anxiety tore through her with enough force, it made her feel as if she was being slowly turned inside out. Her apprehension followed every step she took like an unwanted shadow. Talking in her ear. Using all her worry, doubt, guilt, and insecurities against her. It was becoming the loudest voice in the room, relentlessly screaming in her ear. It was the only voice she could hear, no matter how hard she tried to shut it out. "You're to blame for this," it sneered and chided. "You're the reason she's dying. It's your fault. You are the reason everyone is in danger. You are covered in their innocent blood." Abby cringed, placing her hands over her ears to block it out, but it did no good. It wasn't something you could stop, not when it came from within.

A hard shudder racked her body as an iciness crept into her bones. Rubbing her arms in a futile attempt to warm herself, she began to pace again. Keep moving, she told herself. It was the only recourse she had to try and stem some of the anxiety. She knew she was deep into the stages of a full blown panic attack, and helpless to stop it. The end result was making her cold to her core. The biting chill was so intense, she shivered uncontrollably, her body quaking in erratic spasms. At this point, she had to wonder if she would ever be able to feel warmth again.

She longed for Adam's presence. Several times she had picked up her phone to call him, only to end up frozen, unable to push send. She wanted to run to him, but her conscious refused to let her. What if he blamed her? What if what happened to Clara was enough to make him realize just how dangerous a relationship with her would be? What if...this was the last straw, and he decided to leave?

She coiled her arms around her middle, trying to hold herself together. For the first time in years, she wanted someone else to wrap their arms around her, and reassure her that everything would be okay. And she wanted...needed...that person to be Adam. Only his take charge ways, and calming demeanor could help her now, and it scared the shit out of her, because she had never depended on anyone the way she was depending on him now. What if he let her down? Then what would she do?