"Good lord, Rafael. What would you do without me?" The day had started out perfectly. Johnny was at home with their son while she went to work. It had been months since her attack and she was getting back in to her routine. No longer was she afraid to walk to her car by herself after work and she started becoming her old self again. The squad noticed this and they were happy to have her smile back in the squad room.
"Whenever you ask me that, Jayde I have to say I have no idea", he answered.
She went to her desk and sat down in her chair. "Well I'm honored".
He laughed to himself. "Especially if it involves coffee", he replied.
"Oh my god. No creo que quiera saberlo. For real".
"Good to have you back, Jayde".
Olivia came out of her office and looked at her squad. She had received a lead on the case they were working on and she decided to send Jayde and Amanda to follow up. They walked to her car and Jayde stopped as she had a random flashback. Amanda noticed she had stopped and she turned around with concern on her face. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, sorry. I just had a flashback. I'm fine".
They got in the car and drove to Rikers. The place seemed scary and she followed Amanda's lead. They went through metal detectors and they had to get searched before they were allowed in. "Just follow my lead, ok." Jayde nodded. They were escorted to the visitors area where they waited for their prisoner. There was a guard watching everything and it made Jayde feel safer. She let Amanda do all the talking as they talked to their witness.
When they were done with their visit, they walked back to her car and got in. "Well congratulations! You survived your first trip to Rikers".
"I can't imagine working here every day. I thought our job was hard". Amanda agreed with that and they drove back to the precinct. Jayde felt better as they walked inside. Amanda thought of telling Olivia about her flashback and she decided to do it after Jayde had left.
Later Amanda knocked on the door of their lieutenant's office. "Rollins, how did it go with Jayde at Rikers?"
"It went well. She mostly let me do the talking. I think she was intimidated".
"Well she's never been there".
"I also noticed that when we were walking to my car, she had a flashback. She said that she was fine. I just thought I would mention it to you. She was fine until we got to the parking garage then she just stopped walking".
Olivia nodded as she listened. "She went through an ordeal. I'll talk to her. Thanks for telling me". Amanda nodded and then left as Olivia thought of what to do.
The next day Olivia called her into her office. Amanda was inside waiting for her. Jayde went over to her desk. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. Rollins told me you had a flashback yesterday?"
"Yeah when we were walking to her car. It was the first one that I've had in months".
Olivia nodded. "Is there anyone you're talking about this with?"
"Johnny and Rafael. Rafael still checks up on me but professionally, no".
"I know you're a hard worker, Jayde. I just wanted to give you this –", she handed her a business card. "It's my therapist. It's just for a referral. He's a great person to talk to".
Jayde looked at Amanda then nodded as she took it from her. "Thanks. I...I'll talk to Johnny about it".
That night she and Johnny were on the floor playing with Steven after supper when she brought it up. He thought it was a great idea. "Love, nobody wanted that to happen to you and I think you could use someone to talk to who isn't me or Rafael. I'll pay for the sessions". Tears went down her face and Steven crawled over and kissed them away. This made her laugh. Johnny kissed her head.
A few days later she was sitting in the waiting room of the therapist's office. She was nervous and she thought of running but decided against it. The therapist was an older man and he listened to her talk about her attack. At the end of the session, he diagnosed her with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Her flashbacks were a sign that worried him. He gave her the name of a specialist who would be able to help her. She thanked him before leaving.
She called her husband after the appointment and they talked about the diagnosis. "I have to go back to work, love. I'll see you tonight. I love you". She walked back into the precinct and over to her desk. Olivia saw her come back in and she decided that she would talk to her later since she didn't want to ask her in front of the squad. Later as everyone was getting ready to leave, she called her in. "How did the appointment go?"
"It went ok. I was diagnosed with PTSD. He gave me the name of a specialist. I really want to stay here –"
Olivia cut her off. "Jayde, we're not kicking you out because of your diagnosis. We want you to stay here. PTSD is a hard thing to go through but with time, support and therapy, you can get work through it. You have a lot of support from the squad, Rafael and Johnny. I want you to take it easy and if you need a break, please tell us. We don't want you to be uncomfortable".
Jayde nodded. "Thank you".
Later Rafael came by the apartment to see how she was doing. Johnny let him in and they all went to the couch where Steven was playing on the floor. He saw him and waved then crawled over. Rafael laughed as he picked him up and put him on his lap. "I just wanted to see how you're doing".
"There's good days and bad days. I actually had an appointment with a therapist and I was diagnosed with PTSD", she said with a smile. Johnny rubbed her back as he tried to comfort her.
Rafael frowned and nodded. "Jayde, what you went through, is something that nobody should ever have to go through. It's a miracle that you're still alive and I have to say that I'm incredibly amazed that you're still standing. Not a lot of people can go through that with your kind of strength".
Johnny nodded in agreement. "She's the bravest person I've met and I'm inspired by her".
This made her cry and she wiped her tears with her sleeve. "Wow. I'm crying". Johnny laughed and put his arm around her.
