The Life of a Thug's Daughter

I'm to Blame.

          After Dorian and I were done, I left. It was about 3 in the morning and I was just getting home.

I don't know what's gonna happen once I walk in here. Should I tell him, or? I was confused about everything.

I walked upstairs to the master bedroom where Manny and I stayed. I undressed and got in the bed. I turned to his side of the bed moving closer to him. "Hey." I said to him.

He tried to act like he was sleeping, it was really bad acting. Manny snores like no other. I would know if he's sleeping.

I sighed and moved back to my side of the bed and fell asleep. I woke up the next morning. I was off today, but the kids still had school. I got them up, and got them dressed. As I was strapping Zyona and Kyree and the car, Kyree said to me, "Mommy, how come you weren't here to tuck me in bed last night?" My heart dropped. It was upsetting to hear that come from my son.

What I did was really getting back to me. How could I hurt my family, and Ta'Mia that way. I had to tell Manny, but it seemed like he beat me to it.

I walked back in the house from dropping the kids off at school. I threw my keys on the kitchen counter and went in the living room where Manny was watching basketball. I sat down next to him. "Hey baby." I said to him.

He just starred at the TV. "Uh helloooo." I waved my hand in front of his face. Still, nothing. "So you like cologne now? I though women wear purfume." He said to me under his breathe.

I put my hands in my face and started to cry. "Manny look I-" He cut me off.

"You know what's funny? I do everything for you and this family and you go cheat on me? Why?" His eyes were already red, I could tell he'd been crying. It hurt me so much to see him like that.

"It's nothing that I could explain, or anything you would understand." I told him with fear in my eyes that I might loose him.

He drew his attention back to the tv, ignoring me. I began to get frustrated. "Manny." I shook him. "Manny!" I yelled. "Please listen. Please don't do this." I ended.

From the side I could see tears falling from his eyes. "Don't you love me?" He asked quietly.

I starred at him. "Don't you fucking love me Nyla! What about us?" He stood up yelling at me.

"Huh?! What about all the times we fucking shared, the times I had your back, the times I mad you feel good when you felt like nothing." He continued to yell.

"I did the same Manny!" I raised my voice.

His eyes widened. "You're not doing it now! And you don't even wear your engagement ring no more!"

This was a couple who wasn't going anywhere. Two people screaming each other over a mistake made. Yelling would keep us right where we are now.

"I needed a break from all the shit that's been happening. I need a break from all the shit that's happening." I said to him, lowering my voice.

He took a deep breathe. "That don't mean go fuck somebody." He looked down.

I laughed. "Have you forgotten the time we were on a break and you decided to have a son without me? I guess so." I whispered under my breath.

He face turned mad. Maybe I shouldnt have. brought up the past. "Look, I'm sorry, for everything." I said genuinely meaning it. "Imma stay at my father's for a little bit. I'll call you sometime." I said standing up.

I left, and I sat in my car, in the driveway. Thinking about everything, how could something so perfect end up with so many flaws, so many wrongs? Its all my fault, I'm to blame.