Moon Child

18. Sorry is Just a Word

I went to the door before I knocked hesitantly. The door swung open and revealed Bella. She was surprised and conflicted to see me. She wasn't sure how she felt about me anymore. She hated me because she thought I was trying to take her brother away from his mate, but now... she wasn't sure of anything, and she didn't trust her brother. She was in awe of my appearance though.

"Can I speak with Liam?" I asked calmly. She moved aside and held the door open more without saying anything. She was embarrassed of herself too. I went to where I knew his room was and walked in without knocking. He was sitting with his head in his hands on the edge of his bed. He slouched and I could feel the defeat and self-loathing radiating off of him like heat waves. I could sense that he was torturing himself, and it made me feel guilty for a moment.

"Liam," I sighed empathetically. He looked at me shocked. He was so out of it, he didn't even notice me come in. His eyes were red and slightly puffy.

"W-What are you doing here?" he asked, standing quickly. His jaw dropped slightly as he looked me over in shock. "You look... different," he said hesitantly. I shrugged.

"Aria's doing," I dismissed it. "You look miserable," I said jokingly. A very small, almost unnoticeable, smile touched his lips for a quick second before he was serious again.

"I'm so sorry, Dani," he apologized. But he seemed sorrier of his own suffering. I sighed and took a step away from him as he took a step forward.

"You still don't get it, do you?" I asked. "All I wanted was for you to look at me like I was actually your mate. You did, once, in the beginning, but afterwards, I was your burden. I was your secret and shame. You didn't want anything to do with me. I shouldn't have had to be the one to tell the truth for you. I shouldn't have had to out your fake mate for you to finally tell the truth about her. And even then, you still didn't acknowledge me. You only kissed me out of guilt because you felt bad and got scared when you heard I was being pulled from school. No more looking at me when you thought no one was watching. No more ignoring me in front of your friends, but also trying to discreetly watch my every move. You realized that I would be gone and out of your vision and reach. And you finally felt bad after weeks. The funny thing is, I don't need you. It won't destroy me or make me feral if you deny me for the rest of my life. Yes, I was hurt, it was a gut-reaction that can't be helped, but I'm not required to need you to survive. You, however, do need me or you will go feral, and you know it. And then who's going to run the pack? For someone who had so much to lose, you didn't play your cards well," I said, speaking whatever came to mind like Aria suggested.

"What do you mean by 'you don't need me'? I'm still your mate," he asked as he sat back on the edge if his bed, his eyes still trained on me.

"Exactly what I said. I have more of Aria in me than wolf. The Moon Goddess doesn't need a mate, and I'm similar. I can choose anyone as my mate. You're not my only option. A mate for me is more of a comfort instead of a need,' I tried to explain.

"So to me, you're my mate in every sense of the word, but to you... I'm just optional company?" he asked, trying to wrap his head around what I was telling him. I nodded with a slight shrug. He sighed and shook his head.

"That doesn't seem fair to me," he said in frustration. I shrugged.

"It's not, but based on how you've treated me up to this point, I'd say it was a blessing in disguise. If I were a normal wolf, someone emotionally weaker, I would have been destroyed by your betrayal. And you would have been without a mate by your own doing anyway," I replied.

"I said I was sorry," he reminded me. I chuckled but the situation was anything but funny.

"You only apologized because you're lonely now and you've been made by your peers. If you could have kept pretending with Sophia, I would have still been an afterthought to you," I countered.

"If you're not here to forgive me, why are you here?" he asked.

"I didn't really have a choice. Aria dropped me at your front door and said I should try to understand what the mate bond really feels like," I explained, trying to choose my words carefully. He sighed and ran his hands down his face.

"So you're saying that you don't know half of what I'm feeling right now?" he asked. I shrugged because I honestly didn't know. He took a heavy breath before he stood in front of me and held out his hand. He looked at me expectantly. I knew what he wanted, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. Eventually, I gave in and took the wall down before taking his hand.

I gasped as everything went black. I was intrigued and curious as to what I would see this time. I tried to focus solely on Liam's feelings. It went back to the beginning. I was us, but everything was mute this time. I just felt what Liam was feeling at the time. I was left completely breathless the first time Liam was me. It was like the wind was knocked out of me. His chest was filled completely and his body was set aflame as the breathless feeling subsided. When he touched me for the first time, every nerve was buzzing. It was like he hadn't actually taken a full deep breath in his whole life until he saw me.

The scene skipped forward to when I passed out in the woods. He was worried. He paced and watched me as every bad scenario flew through his mind and caused an aching in his chest. When I told him I didn't need him at dinner, the hollowness came back tenfold, followed by an intense aching pain that just wouldn't go away. Fast forward to when he kissed me in the hallway. It was similar to what I originally felt but extremely more intense. It was nearly paralyzing. I couldn't take the rollercoaster anymore. I had to let go.

I gasped as I turned away from him with the urge to clutch my chest. It felt like I was about to have a heart attack. Compared to what he was feeling, what I felt was muted. What I felt was a gentle breeze while Liam's was a hurricane. I wanted to hold him and comfort him, but so many questions popped into my mind, stopping me. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to calm my breathing, heart, and thoughts. He was quiet as he just waited. The overwhelming amount of emotions made my eyes water, but I held back the wannabe tears. When I opened my eyes, I was even more confused and angry than I was before.

"If that's how you felt, how could you even think of denying me? How could you pretend like I never even existed after all of that?" I asked as angry tears replaced the ones of sympathy. He looked at his feet as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"I was a coward... I was scared. You were new. You knew nothing of what we are, and I already told everyone that Sophia was my mate. Going back and saying 'just kidding, I lied' as a future Alpha is embarrassing," he said. I shook my head.

"What I just felt could easily cancel out any embarrassment that would've come afterwards. You would have to just have not wanted me at all to try and ignore everything you felt," I said. I could feel him getting antsy as I watched him get frustrated.

"It's more complicated than that," he tried to defend himself. I shook my head.

"It's really not," I argued. "If you felt that intensely, why waste your time fighting-" I stopped as his thoughts rolled into my head like they were my own. He didn't speak, but he didn't have to. I caught it all. Focusing on him, I saw it all clearer without even having to touch him. It was always there, I just misinterpreted it incorrectly.

"You're afraid of me," I said in realization.

"Was; I was afraid of you at first. What is are... I've never seen anything like it. It's not so easy to swallow and I still don't understand it. But now I don't care. You're my mate first and most importantly. That's all I can think about now. You have literally consumed my thoughts. Whatever else you can do, I'll just have to accept it. You're perfect the way you are. We were made for each other, and I should have never done what I did to you. I know that now. If I could go back and start over, I would. I would beg on my knees everyday if it meant that you would one day forgive me and keep me as a mate," he said quickly. I could sense that he completely meant what he said. He was beyond sorry. Guilt flooded his conscious.

"I know what's in your heart. You don't have to beg," I stopped him. He was too sorry to be afraid of me anymore...

But he should've been.