On Our Own (gxg)

Chapter 12 - Special

A/N: Hey there, I am back. And I am sorry and embarrassed for taking so long to update. I am also sorry that this is somehow a filling chapter, be sure the next ones will have a more exiting plot. Happy New Year! :)

I look down to my hands. The inked wings embrace the cold metal in an ironic contrast. They are the symbols of protecting. They stand for the honourable task we soldiers have for every citizan of Alatis which actually might be everything that is left of mankind - 100,000 people floating through space helplessly, aimlessly, empty. We, the Army, are there to keep order. To guard the chaos also known as the Goners, the outlaws, people waiting for their deaths. We protect, are present, prevent crimes, enforce new laws. And we are the ones who will pull our triggers in the unlikely case of the Alatis meeting anything dangerous and alive out there. If you will we are the internal keepers of our mankind. At least that's the image we are taught.

I look down and feel how oddly strong and safe the metal feels, how strengthening and smooth it fits in my hands and adjusts to my uniform. It becomes part of me, and even in manual mode I am one of the best, every shot with the concetrated light hits what I am aiming for.

These moments I don't think at all. I aim, I shoot, I hit, I let the weapon cool down, aim, shoot, hit again. Like a robot. Living, acting like a robot is something I can do, I have a painful lot of practise.

When the aims of the shooting ranch our training room is simulating change I look up and meet Malone's eyes. She's always there, and I appreciate something steady and positive in my life. Her gaze simply shows affection, she is impressed and I guess I can see a little envy, too. I shrug, only then I compare my aim with hers and the ones of the other recruits.

I shrug and not realizing, well, a least not fully acknowledging the difference I go on shooting. The new targets are not only black and white circles anymore, but are shaped like humans or humaoids and they are moving. I hesistate shooting something that looks like a living creature, but I finally give in and sink in my flow again. It's okay, Rayen, they are just simulated targets. And right now your gun can't hurt anyone, it's not activated on kill mode. Relax.

I let down my tensed shoulders as I have finished. And I doubt. I honestly doubt if I am the right person to be a soldier. Maybe physically. But my hate of the system grows the longer I am serving it.

"Recruit Finley!"

I stiffen at the sound of my name being called by a unfamiliar voice. Malone looks at me and her face spreads unbelieving enthusiasm. I am not entirely sure what is happening. But I have learned by now that if I hear my name I better stand attention. So that's what I do.

"Recruit?" The General stops in front of me.

"Sir, yes, Sir."

I look up into his dark eyes, there is a scar over his right eyebrow catching my attention.

"Recruit Finley. You have been in boot camp now for 16 days. We survey every recruit and your performance sticked out, so we tested you. For example you may have noticed that we decided to order you to take over a guarding shift very early for a new recruit. Your physical performance and your mental attitude seem very convoncing to us and now also your shooting and fighting abilities convince us to inform you about what we are doing. Please report at sector D as soon as possible and do not tell anyone about the content of the testing. Be prepared to be asked to take over guarding shifts more frequently in the forseeable future. Got it, Recruit Finley?"

I nod.

"Did you get that, Recruit?" He almost shouts and I answer with the salute I missed to give as an answer the first time. He seems content with my "Sir, yes, Sir" and leaves. Malone rushes over, concern is in her eyes.

"Are you okay? What... what did he want?"

I look around and drag her into a corner. Well, to be honest it's hard to find something like a corner in the training room. So we hid behind a barrier. As soon as we are out of view of our supervisors I release tension, I am intimidated by those men who technically and physically are superior, not to forget that they are our Generals. They give orders and punish if we are not following them. Or maybe I am just afraid because they are men. And I lack of very positive experiences with men.

"Malone! General Harper just... I don't know, he said that they are going to test me, that I somehow stick out. What the heck does that mean?"

"Oh wow, Finley! Oh wow. You want to know what that means? Really? It freaking means that they test you if you can join the Special Forces! And that is, you know, elite, impressive and such an honour! Finley, wow! I am soooo happy for you! I knew it, from the very first day - you are special. Congratulations, Newbie!"

She hugs me, smiles at me and I feel a little proud. I look down to my hands tattoos seem to give my enthusiasm even larger wings. It feels weird, unusual, new and soo good. For the first time I gave my very best and it is actually appreciated. What I do, my efforts, my perfomance were not just futile, a waste of time, another submission to my father.

Malone hugs me tight and won't let go until I tell her that I was told to report at sector D.

"You better go then, Newbie! I hope wee'll still have the morning training sessions together, but if to we'll meet again in the doorm in the evening, right? Oh, I am soo happy for you - although at the same time I am a little jealous. But hey, I am friends with a potential Special Forces soldier! Go get them!"

I smile at her hazel brown eyes and frightened when I feel someone pulling me at my ponytail and ruthlessly dragging and tugging me out of our hiding place. A supervisor has caught us hiding. We are in trouble. He is of lower rank than a General, but still above us. Most of those guys use their position as supervisors to show off their imaginary superiority. So to be honest I am kind of surprised when he snorts angrily and dismisses both uf us, each with a resounding slap, but nothing else.

I only dare glancing shortly over to Malone and to catch her grinning released, before I make my way to sector D as I was ordered. Wait, Rayen, something's going wrong right now. You dislike the system, but you are speeding into it's heart, you are about to maybe become a flaming Special Forces soldier and you are proud? Seriously, don't you have any principles? I shrug in thoughts.

I am at a point again where I have such controversial thoughts that I just drift off to not caring because I am tired of arguing with myself. So when I reach sector D I am in a calm, thoughtless, non-caring mood.