On Our Own (gxg)

Chapter 16 - This is sick

A/N: I must officially apoligize for leaving you hanging for so long. For my defense: I have a lot of school work to do and I am literally learning every free minute for my finals. So maybe you have mercy on me, but I understand if not. I am gonna work on the next chapter pretty soon, I promise. Please leave a comment and share your thoughts.

I follow the Special Forces in cadence trying to sort my mind. By now they have put some kind of rope around the wrists of the Goners they picked, starting at the girl in the front and ending at the one in the end. There are only girls, no exception. All the heads are sunken between their shoulders, no one fights the rope. They have all given up and that somehow makes me incredibly sad.

I force myself to think in simple sentences, just statements, answering the questions that weigh heavily on my mind, starting with the simple ones.

Where am I? You are on the giant space ship Alatis carrying a huge part of what is left of mankind and floating through the space aimlessly. Right now you are following a few very high ranked Special Forces soldiers and some Goners through long hallways lacking of colours.

How have I gotten here? Well, you have been abused by your father since your mother died and when you reached full age it was your turn to decide on your future job. Instead of trying to fulfill you fathers expectations and become a medic, instead of giving in to the pressure he put on you, you found the courage to choose to become a soldier, mainly for two reasons: Firstly, it's the only job in which you get seperated from your parents permanently and immediatly. Second, you realized that becoming a soldier would be something you might like and that soldiers had always been some kind of sublte role models for you.

I look up from my thoughts only to see that we are still walking down hallways I don't even know. The fast pace must be very exhausting for the Goners the general picked even though they were the ones in the best condition. I see the second one in the row stumble, simply because her left foot would not lift high enough to make the next step. She manages to regain her balance, but she accidently pulls at the rope around her wrist that connects her to the others. The sound of a high voltage frizzles through the air and echoes from the walls, in the same moment as the echoes of our steps stop resounding. The soldiers just stand, waiting, radiating some kind of annoyed superiority. And I just don't understand how they are able to feel nothing. I stand there, watching the whole row of Goners go down to the ground, their faces distorted with pain, they're cramping, their bodies convulsing from the electricity.

All that is left of my tortured soul cramps with them, I need all the concentration I have not to show any compassion with my face and not to kneel down beside them. As the electric shock ends there is a surreal silence. We don't move until all of the Goners have regained their consciousness. Still being far from able to stand up on their own the soldiers pull them up to their feet after a barking command by the general. I hurry to help up the girl who is last in the row, I can feel that her muscles still quiver from the shock. I step back and our bunch of people motions forward again as if nothing happened. My mind starts wandering again, trying to shake off the shock I continue resuming my current situation.

Am I content with what I chose as my career? You should be. You are save, you are no longer haunted by your father's abuse and control. You don't even have to see him anymore. You have got some social interaction, you feel like fitting in and belonging to a group of people. You found something to focus on and you are good at it. You are on your best way to join the freaking Special forces, Rayen!

But am I really happy? You guess not. You don't remember how happiness is supposed to feel like. But you are not happy if you can't explicitly tell so.