On Our Own (gxg)

Chapter 19 - The first hours

I hug her and I realize how much my body has been craving to do this. I hug her and her earth-like scent makes me close my eyes. I hug her and hold her close because we did it, because our bodies just seem to fit perfectly, because I need to hold someone tightly.

I feel.

I have never been able to show much emotion since my mother died. So I stopped feeling at all because the only feelings I knew were fear and pain and hate.

But it's like Luna is a spark that is igniting a fire inside me. I don't only feel it with my head, I feel it with my soul. Strong and warm and engaging. It is a whole new experience, my heart pounds, I cannot control it. It is great, but also intimidating. Addicting, but also eating me.

Then I feel how Luna's hands slowly run down my back. Her head, her whole body weigh more suddenly. Her feet don't hold her anymore. I realize that she is fainting in my arms, probably from exhaustion. Her body is already very weak, she lost a lot of blood and she is in pain.

As if had had done this a hundred times my muscles tense and hold her tight, preventing her body from falling down. I wonder how long she hasn't eaten properly. My well trained arms close thightly around her torso. My mind is insane, worrying, spinning around, not being able to thinkt straight. But my body reliably works by itself. I carry her to Malone's bunk which is the one below mine at the wall opposite of the entrance door. Carefully I let her body down on the mattress, supporting her head with my hands. Her skin is like super soft. I subconciously brush my finger over a bruise on her forehead and brow. Stop that! What do you think you are doing? Go, do something useful.

I shake my head in order to sort my mind. I breathe in and get up from my kneeling position next to the bunk in one move. I quickly prop up Luna's head with Malone's pillow and pull the blanket up to her waist.

Is she still breathing? Suddenly I get wobbly knees, holding my breath and staring at her chest. Finally I catch a hint of a movement. Up and down. Rapid and flat. But still up and down. I put my index and my middle finger on her vein as I grab her wrist. There's a pulse, too. Thank God. There's a pulse. My eyes catch sight of the bandage. It has turned red by now,  despite the fact that there are several layers of fabric. The spots of the bandage that are not yet soaked in blood are not white at all. I can practically see the germs in them. Time to change that.

So where does Muños keep his first-aid-kit? You can take the one that is mandatory for every appartment and dorm and public room on the whole Alatis, Rayen. I quickly go over to the screen next to the door. I know that that kit must be in the wall below it. How do I get it out? My fingers dart over the screen searching for the programme that opens the little door to the kit. There it is! One second before I can open it my hand stops, hovering above the surface. Wait, you can't take that one. Every use is registered and someone will be sent to check if there is a medical emergency. So however I'll have look for Muños' kit. I check in the bathroom and at his bunk. Nothing. I check the shelves at the ent of the room near my bunk, nothing. It can only be in his closet in the changing room. Just as I turn towards the door to the locker room my glimpse catches Luna's eyes being open. I hurry over to the bunk.

"Hey. There you are again."

She looks at me as if she wanted to say something but can't find the energy to speak. I totally understand that. I still wonder how she even managed to run from the prison sector to the dorm having lost so much blood, being in pain and malnourished for God knows how long. Her body is nothing more than bones and skin. I shudder as I remember hugging her. I carefully pull up the blanket some more and subconsciously wipe a skein out of her face. I can't avoid touching her soft skin for the fracture of a second, ans honestly I somehow don't want to avoid it. What the hell are you thinking, Rayen?!