𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐖𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘, k. akabane

Saving You| Karma x Depressed Reader

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️
If you're easily triggered by depression, suicide, insecurities, or something that is related between those three, please leave immediately for your safety. If you're depressed, please consult a therapist/to your friend or loved ones. Author-chan is worried about your health💞.

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Today was rather dull. There was a moment where you really felt at peace but then your mind will mock you again for taking that scholarship exam that became a huge gossip.

True to its rumors, unfortunately, you weren't qualified as their scholar.

It should be your next stepping stone to set your life and be optimistic once and for all. Though that didn't include the fact that your anxiety will mess up your concentration, and self-esteem when you took that exam.

This sucks. So many years to put up with these thoughts is really exhausting. You don't think that medication will solve everything at this point when your anxiety starts to control your life.

You sighed and sat at the swings. You noticed some children playing games with their silly faces. The look in their eyes was taunting you that they have their freedom.

Freedom

Yes, Freedom

Freedom is what you envy the most. These stupid chains called anxiety and depressions keep you in prison. But then again, those chains made you for who you were today. You're not grateful for what you've become. You always pretend to be okay when you are in a brink of falling into your darkness. You've become a liar to them and to yourself.

Heck, you even don't know who you are anymore,

and for once, you've become exhausted in this life full of lies.

Your phone made a noise and you took your phone out of your pocket. You sighed, even this simple task made you exhausted. Being mentally exhausted was also affecting your physical strength to carry out tasks.

It read 'Karma (10) missed calls'. You grimaced. I really want to thank Akabane for everything that he'd done for me. He defied your principles that no matter what years you've put up with someone, they will just leave whenever they want. But he was your friend since childhood and in that context, you somehow felt relieved that there is a person who knows you truly well.

Those are the times that you really felt real emotions and didn't think about the consequences of your actions every time. Though he became distant and had other friends to make memories.

It did feel like you're left alone.

Seeing your childhood friend with another friend, makes you feel hurt. Though you always brush this feeling because you thought that it was really childish to become possessive when in fact you don't have the right to become possessive, to begin with. Seeing first hand that it was relatively easy to forget your friends and make new ones easily, you've become cold and distant to everyone,

And that is your defense mechanism.

You once compared yourself to bubblegum out of the blue. People really tend to replace everyone like a chess piece. Once they've obtained something from you or you aren't that interesting anymore, they will not hesitate to replace you or anyone. Like bubblegum and once your taste is gone, they will replace you with another one.

You didn't want to repeat that cycle. You avoided that heck of a cycle. And you can't blame the fact that you've reached the stage that you don't care anymore. You don't care about making friends, You're always that person everyone replaces after a while. You don't want friends. Karma is also like them.