Paper Toads and a Hundred Roses | Lee Sung Kyung & Nam Joo Hyuk

1. What Happened To Us?

It turned out being an alternate world.

    The way his lips felt against my skin, making me see beauty behind every existing symbol of cruelty. The way his words had me waiting with bated breath for no reason and his eyes made me melt in an illogical pool of foolishness. The way his smile made my anger evaporate into imminent joy. The way he made me laugh; the way he made me cry; the way he made me breathe as if I just immersed into the surface from staying too long underwater.

    It turned out being an alternate world.

    Because if it wasn't, I wouldn't be sitting here, listless on a dock ledge with my bare feet dangling above the sea water. I wouldn't be here watching the waves surrounding the Busan borders as if I had nothing else to do but admire the very place that he took me to the first time he told me he'd marry me. But I'm living in reality—the longest book of tragedy.

    "Sung Kyung," I hear Ji Soo say behind me. I begged him to bring me here and now I feel worse because I know he's busy. "We've got to go. The train leaves in an hour." If it weren't for the pleading tone that he used with me, I would've deliberately missed the train in an attempt to bring back the past I'm trying to avoid running into. But alas, I give in. There wasn't anything for me here anymore. Actually, there's something but I doubt that he'd be waiting for me the same way that I am for him. "Sung Kyung," he calls again. I pull myself up and pick up my shoes placed above the wooden floor of the dock. My feet are cold from the wind but I didn't seem to have noticed. I turn to look at the emerald scenery and I breathe. But it's not the same.

    "Coming," I reply sullenly before turning to find Ji Soo staring at me. From his expression alone, I could tell that he had so many questions along the lines of "What happened?" and "What are you going to do about it?" but I wasn't in the mood to answer any of it. As he was about to open his mouth, I cut him off, "Not now, Ji Soo. I've got a lot going on," and that was the end of it.

    The view outside the car window faded into a mere picture that I kept inside my memory as we zoom past all the places that appeared too painful for me. Ji Soo squirms uncomfortably in the driver's seat, treating me as if I'm a ticking time bomb which I probably am. I didn't cry a single tear ever since I was left alone to fend off the mistakes that are haunting me to this day. At work, I always looked like I didn't care about a single thing. I didn't care about the make-up or the hair or all the glamour that they force to surround me with because in my mind, there was no one to do it for anymore. I just simply didn't care.

    "I know that you don't want me to ask you anything," Ji Soo says, clearing his throat. "But Sung Kyung, don't you think this is a bit much?" he exhales a big breath as if it took everything in him to say the words.

    I look ahead, watching the seagulls fly above boats and land on roofs. "What is?"

    "You coming out here," he says, all the while making a left turn towards the train station. "Waiting for him when you know he's never going to come."

    His words seemed to have triggered something in me. Because for once since a year ago, I had the sudden urge to finally cry. Ji Soo somehow just rolled reality towards me and I couldn't do anything but stare at it like it's the hardest thing to figure out. I look about motionless, expressionless but feeling everything all the same. I'm at the peak of my life, yet I don't think I'm living it the way I'm supposed to. "I never told myself that."

    "But you know that there will come a time when you're gonna need to," he stops the rented car in front of the station but makes no move to get out. "I'm just doing it for you because I hate seeing you so—" he ventures for the right word,"—so lifeless." There was nothing but silence surrounding us as I look at Ji Soo's face. My mind's bombarded with so much conflict at all the overload of thoughts concluded from everything that Ji Soo told me. He's writing the truth in front of me. I can't argue with facts because they're constant things.