Paper Toads and a Hundred Roses | Lee Sung Kyung & Nam Joo Hyuk

6. This Will Be the End of Us

The sound of the rain pelting on the window's glass calms me in a way that helps me forget everything that I need to worry about. Various images of paper toads and hospital gowns are flashing through the depths of my brain, zooming past the tears and the heartache; protecting the smiles and the laughter; erasing the mistakes and the regrets. However, I couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that's been nipping the back of my mind, telling me that something wrong's bound to happen today. It made me even more nervous because of the lack of Joo Hyuk's presence in the house. It seems colder than before. He was called in on the hospital because of an emergency and I can't keep him from doing what he's ought to do. I need to understand now that as a doctor, he's responsible for saving lives. His patients will be his main priority. As we go through the process of healing each other, I want him to know that I'm okay with settling for second place. I won't put other people's lives in grave danger just because of my own selfish needs. I want him to understand and accept that even if he insists I be his first.

I know that along the way, I'll eventually feel how big of a gap his absence leaves me in. But I couldn't find it in myself to complain. I should be proud that he's choosing a job that's of service to other people.

I lean away from the window as I prepare myself for what's to come.

The day has been a blur. Photoshoots, interviews and fan meets filled the void in my chest as I set aside my worries for today. The people who support me have been my rock for the many years that I have been in the industry. They have been what's keeping me motivated despite all of the bumps along the way. Doing my best is a great way to show them that I appreciate them so much. I would be a spec of dust if it weren't for them. I stare at myself in the mirror as the stylist makes quick work of my hair and make-up. It's noon and I feel the hunger creeping up my stomach. I didn't have the chance to eat breakfast because I overslept so I just went through with the day. I left Joon Seo with ajhumma in the house, my worry for him being eased as soon as Go Eun returned him to me. My phone's ringtone made my eyes divert to the vibrating device on top of the vanity mirror. I lean over to get it as my stylist halts her work and decides to go out to give me privacy and I silently thank her for it.

Joo Hyuk's name flashes across my screen as I smile and clear my throat. My spirits lifted, my posture involuntarily straightening. I tuck the stray strand of hair on my cheek behind my ear as if he was here to notice and I answer the call. "Nam," I say and maybe it was a little too fast. I mentally curse myself for making it appear so.

"Are you busy?" he asks immediately and I'm taken aback by his forward question. Is something wrong?

I don't reply for a minute. He seems panicked but brooding. For a moment, it had me scared. "I have one more photoshoot then I'll be on my lunch break," I reply, leveling myself with the icy tone that he used with me. There's definitely something wrong. Silence settles between us as I hear the closing and opening of doors with his breath steady and controlled along the line. "Is something wrong?" The sound of papers clashing against each other resounds through the phone. A cluttering sound frightens me as I hold my palm against my beating heart while Joo Hyuk curses, the muttering sound making its way to my ears. But when I didn't hear a response, I ask again. "Joo Hyuk?" I'm suddenly so alert, thinking of all the possibilities.

"I'll be there in 20. I'll wait for you to finish. We have to do something," and he hangs up. I'm paranoid all of a sudden. Is he on his way here to tell me that there's actually nothing wrong? I couldn't calm my nerves as I call for the stylist again so she could finish. As soon as she does, I'm being rushed to the studio. The entire time, I wasn't focused though I still tried my best to follow the photographer's directions. My hands are shaking as I take deep breaths, calming and convincing myself that nothing's wrong. Joo Hyuk's probably just over-exaggerating something small since he has a talent for it.