Paper Toads and a Hundred Roses | Lee Sung Kyung & Nam Joo Hyuk

5. The Next Morning

I find it really tiring.

It's tiring to fix a problem just to end up fixing another. It's tiring to think about how one problem has a set of other sub problems that you need to solve first before you could move on. I always thought that the notion about light being at the end of the tunnel is done in reverse. We're already walking in light but there are times when it feels better to be in the darkness because it could hide us from the things that we want to avoid. It could protect us from being seen as weak or unable to cope with what the world is throwing at us.

But right now, what's even more tiring than that is having to face the first love of your first love in your own living room.

"What's wrong, Sung Kyung?" Joo Hyuk asks next to me as I sit uncomfortably, trying hard not squirm at the way that Seohyun's looking at him. He's not making any sort of physical contact with me so I slump even further, hiding the hint of disappointment from my face. Is he pushing me aside because of her? Does he not want me to hear this? I grip the fabric of my skirt tighter, controlling the mix of confusing feelings piling up inside me. I breathe, convincing myself that I'm just throwing another fit at myself. Joo Hyuk crosses his long legs and leans back on the couch, looking calm even though I'm sure that he's a bit anxious inside.

Seohyun doesn't know about Joon Seo.

Nam and I hid my pregnancy in a form of a two-year respite that I asked from the agency as soon as we were aware that I was positive. Back then, we couldn't tell the public about it because it'll cause so much trouble. But as I think about it now, keeping quiet about it for so long might cause an even bigger issue. However, I can't put Joon Seo in the spotlight. I don't want people paying too much attention to the things he does because that would deprive him of the happy childhood that I want for him. As much as I want to enclose to truth, I want my son to live a normal life-a life where he won't be judged for anything. So the first thing that Go Eun did when Seohyun arrived was bring Joon Seo to her house, telling everyone that she's babysitting Joon Seo who's her cousin's child as she bid everyone goodbye on her way out of the front door with my son holding her hand. And it hurt me to see my little boy go when I haven't seen him for days. I feel the guilt consuming me because of how I'm keeping my own son a secret because of all these complications.

As soon as the thought hit me, all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't will myself to be the least bit curious about this bad news that Seohyun wants to say because I'm pretty sure that she doesn't even want me to hear it either. So I stand up, catching Joo Hyuk's attention as I turn to him to show that the expression on my face was nothing but a tired one. Having her show up in my house isn't something a person earning your trust would do. But I'll give it a rest tonight. "I'm going to sleep," I tell Joo Hyuk, releasing a tired smile as he stares at me for a moment, probably trying to read my mind. He nods as I turn to leave until Seohyun decided to speak.

"Sleep well, Sung Kyung," she says as I ball my fists with how mocking her tone sounds. I raise my hand in a resemblance of a wave before leaving them and coming by the kitchen to wish the housekeeper good night.

"Auntie," I call out to her in the softest voice I could muster, hiding the ferocity that's forcing its way out of my chest. "Please have Joo Hyuk bring home some side dishes. I know that he can't find the time to cook these days," I smile at her softly as she gives me a knowing smile that I'm choosing to ignore. This entire day has been nothing but stress piled up on top of each other. It's creating such a massive building that's about to collapse on me.

"Of course, miss," she says before moving to get tupperwares from the cupboards.

I was silent for a minute until I remember why I came here in the first place. "Good night," I say.