Always Doesn't Mean Forever: Book 1 (Severus Snape/student)

Chapter 8: Realizations

Snape's P.O.V.

    I felt Alex relax into my arms. When I was sure she was out I picked her up, for the second time today, and laid her on the couch in Albus's office. I didn't want to do it, but who knows what he would have made her do if I hadn't. I turned to the old man. He looked a bit shocked, I didn't like seeing him vulnerable. She had a hold on the both of us in to very different and very similar ways. Before it was over Alex would be the end of us. He looked at me with knowing in his eyes. Damn it. This is the last thing I wanted to let him see. "You care for her a lot Severus." he stated. No emotion no nothing he was just there.

    "I do no such thing." I sneered.

    "Don't lie to me. You can't deny it any longer. I've known for longer than you think. I never knew it was this strong, but I've known." I remained silent. Because this wasn't just a problem because she was a student. No she was a Dumbledore. "She feels the same." he said. My head snapped up to him. How could he possibly know what she felt? "Alex had all but given into him, until you gave her the motivation she needed. You let her know you believed in her that you were there. Love makes us strong and vulnerable all at the same time." Love? My heart sped up with hope and dread. She can't love me. She's in enough danger as is. "She trusts you."

    "She shouldn't!" I snapped.

   "Why not?" This question. It was so simple yet I couldn't answer it. I would give my life to protect her, but I've said that before. And in the end it was all my fault. I couldn't go through that again. "You still blame yourself Severus. You're not the same man you were. What happened to Lilly was-"

    "Stop it!" I said through gritted teeth. He always did this. He pried to far. 

    "Severus you can't live with this all of you're life! It was tragic yes, but you've been given another chance. I don't wan to see you waste it! I don't want to see her hurt because you live in your past. I'm not saying that I fully agree, but I can't stop what's meant to happen. She needs someone. Someone to help her through this."

    "And you expect me to be that person do you? It has to be me! What makes you think I'm not what's worse for her? What makes you think the Dark Lord won't use this as an advantage?! Whatever this is?"

     "I'm not saying he won't, but she needs a reason to hold on. A reason to have hope. I think you can agree when you lose everything you will turn to anyone."

     "That's not fair Albus!"

      "I never said it was. But eventually everything you keep so deep down will come back and you will have to face it. What if its to late by then? What will you do? I'm not only thinking of Alex. I'm thinking of you Severus. You can't continue to fight yourself everyday. Like I said you'll see it one day for what it really is and by then who's knows what will have happened."

     "So you're telling me to go against every moral I have and pursue this? Are you mad?"

     "It's not against your morals it's against the barriers you have built. As a headmaster I would have to say no, but as her Grandfather and your friend it seems to be best for both of you. Continuing like this will only tear both of you apart. It's your decision Severus. I only mean to help. You must understand my position." I know the man meant no harm, but I wish he would just keep it to his damn self.

      "And you must understand mine." With that I walked out of his office
   I went to my quarters and straight to my liquor cabinet. I pulled out a bottle of fire whiskey. As I sat on my couch I stared at the low green fire. Then I thought about the memories of Alex I had seen. I could relate them much to mine. I took another gulp of the whiskey and felt the calming burn go down my throat. I remember when my father would come home drunk off his arrogant ass. How he would grab me or my mother. Whoever he came to first and beat us nearly to death. Then afterwards we would patch one another up.
     Flashback
  My mother and I were sitting on the floor in the living room. She was me a showing spell. it fascinated me to see the small flame in her hand grow immensly with one word. Suddnely the door burst open. My father came stumbling in. He laid his eyes on my mothers wand. "Eileen!!! What the hell are you doing with that thing?! I thought I told you I didn't want that shit in my house!!" He grabbed my mother and hit her several times. She screamed as I backed into a corner and sat there crying. When he was done he walked to his room. I went over to my mother and looked down There was a lot of blood. She looked up at me with two swolen eyes. "Severus." She whimpered. I bent down to her. "Yes mummy?" She looked me dead in the eyes. I was too young to understand what kind of pain she was really in. "Kill me." After those words left her mouth she closed her eyes and passed out.
End Flashback
   I can't count how many times she wished for death. Or how many times I did. I took another drink of the whiskey then looked down at it. It wasn't alcohol that made him the way he was, but it made him a hell of a lot worse. Then I remembered one of Alex's memories. She came in and her father was drinking out of a bottle of vodka then he... "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" I screamed with rage and agony for everything he did to her. For everything my father did to me. I threw the almost full bottle into the fire. The flames burst up looking for anything to feed them. Then it went down again. I got up from the couch and went to my room falling on the bed. I would never be like either of them. For her.

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That's chapter eight!!! Kinda short I know but I needed to get that in there. Y'all just wait. Its comin!!! I love comments so keep them coming!!! And votes tooooo.