Love Evermore

Chapter 19

Authors note: here is the next stage in the healing process for both of the. Thranduil still doesn't accept that he has a problem. Elaine does accept this now she has to learn to accept herself and her past as it having happened and moving on. That just because she was done like that it doesn't stain her. Leogolas has to find the courage to come back in order to find her. Thranduil has to see the true crux of his problem and accept it. that will be a challenge for him. Elaines problem isn't seeing she has a problem its accepting herself.

My Own Worst Enemy . . .

He woke from the dream he had of Loriel. Tears stained his eyes as he remembered how happy he had been to see her smile once more at him. The dream was over now and it pained him like a physical blow. It was only in dreams he could see her smiling face anymore. Any other time he remembered the look of disappointment and anger at him the last times she stod before him.The night he lost everything in quick order.

'come back to me. . .' he thought pitfully still not fully awake.

Waking was the same as it had been for a long time it seemed, the small body curled into his larger form. Had it only been a month? Why did it seem as long as a millenium had been? The little one was keeping up with him and still valiantly trying to help him as well. He couldn't come to terms with the fact that he was never going to change. He was far too old to change now.

Over the last couple of weeks he had found similarities in his life day to day and falling from a very tall mountain. He was now at the part to where he had lost everything and was broken on the ground. It was a struggle just to get out of bed every morning. It was a battle against himself that he really didn't want to win anymore. Everyone important to him besides a tenacious little boy had left him. Just as everyone had left him his whole life.

He closed his eyes to the light emanating form his low burning torches. He didn't want to wake anymore. He didn't even want to be sitting on his throne anymore. He was desolate he was alone and being annoyed to death even more slowly by the little demon. The boy should just leave him to sulk and roll in his torment.

He hadn't noticed the boy waking until he pulled his arm gently bidding him to rise. He did so for he had nothing else to do. He had nothing better to do. His vassels had lain out the outfit he would wear today. He normally didn't have help dressing as most monarchs liked. He had always enjoyed his morning hours alone. Loriel used to help him simply out of wanting to be apart of his morning. Now the little boy moved about him like a busy bee.

He brushed his hair with tenderness that was out of place to such a young boy. He stood upon a chair as he stood listlessly and shrugged on the inner layers that lay closer to the skin. He also helped hoist the heavy ornate robes onto his frame. He was getting thinner he felt as if he was stretched out and already half dead.

The little boy stood on tip toes atop his chair and fitted his crown upon his perfectly presentable hair. The little boy moved his strands of hair until they fell as they normally did. When did his crown get so heavy? When did this desolation and aching loneliness truly start getting to him until he was this half dead thing?

The boy quickly dressed himself as Thranduil stared at himself in his mirror. He looked like the cold king he had always been. He looked prehaps a little more restless and his eyes had lost their sharpness. Did anyone truly know that deep down inside he was screaming? That his heart had lost what little life Loriel had brought into it? That his soul was dying more as the days went by?

No he reasoned as he sat upon his throne as regal as ever. It was only the boy sitting at his feet that knew what pain he was in. He was the only one that truly saw him when his mask was gone. He was the only one that truly cared to look for it. He hardened himself to face the challenges of today. He looked forward to nothing but sleep

' A lump of cold iron instead of a heart and ice in my viens we shall see how long it is until i am truly dead' he thought morbidly as he rest his head onto his hand. 

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Elaine shook off the disgust she felt against herself. She looked at herself in the mirror as she was dressing readying herself for breakfast. All the scars across her skin: bite marks, nails marks, cuts, and punctures. All of them reminders of where she had been  and what she had lived through. Some moments she wished she wouldn't have lived through it. That she would have died a long time ago.

'accept it and move on. .. ' Galadriel's words echoed in her head.

She opened her heart to all that she remembered going over every single scar. For a moment reliving each and every memeory of her scars making. She accepted this and then she let it all slip back into the past where it should remain. She banished disgust at herself for it. She replaced it for disgust towards Gorand. He was the wrong doer here. He was at fault for what was done. He was the stain on life.

'Now move on. . . hold your head high. The blood of the high elves runs in your viens. You are a quenn in the making.' she repeated Galadriels words until the tightness in her chest ceased.

She went to breakfast ate and worried for Tristan's and Legolas. She didn't realize how deeply she missed him until he was far removed from her sight.

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Legolas sat amongst Aragons court. His heart had a hole in it. Could he go back and find the lady he cared for. Would his father ever accept someone he loved? He didn't know?  He was tired of caring for a woman only to have her never measure up to his fathers expectations.

Could.he find the courage to find her in Loriels palace? Did he care for her enough? Did he love her?

So many questions and such infinate time lay before him. All of it unpleasing to him He just wanted the girl who he could talk with. The girl with the broken smile. The lady that he called his own. . . friend romantic interest he didn't know?

'I must do something besides this insistent mopping about. Aragon is worried for me. The dwarf is worried. Something must change. What decision will I make?' he wondered into his wine.