You and I » Lip Gallagher [1] {EDITING}

»part 16 » wilted flowers and thorns

I've always been afraid of the addict. The way she sits in the darkest corners of my mind consuming all my thoughts. The way she smiles like she knows me better than anyone else. The way she feeds off all of my emotions.

I'm afraid of her because she knows my darkest secrets. She uses them to get her way. She uses them to find her release. Everything I'm afraid of in this world is who she is and what she stands for. I'm afraid of being left alone with her.

But mostly, I'm afraid of becoming like her.

As I ran from the boy who wanted to give me a better future to the one who distorted mine, she spoke her first words to me.

In her cracked out, breathless, voice, she told me the one word that could make or break me.

Fight.

She whispered it in my ear before she started banging on my sanity and screaming it over and over at the top of her lungs. She wrote the word in my brain with her blood, she seared it into my bones with her own. She made me become it.

In this moment, every inch of myself, was made up of her. The addict. She was in my veins. She was in my sight. She was in my breathing. She was everywhere.

She was here. And there was no turning back.

I couldn't think clearly because she was clouding my thoughts. The only thing I could make clear was that Lip was with Karen and that was enough to fuel my rage. My air was with the one girl who could take him away from me. She had the power to take him away from me because she was just as broken as Lip and I. She was crazy and ruthless.

Lip doesn't go after people who are better for him so he surrounds himself with people who are roaches. People who will bleed him dry. Exhibit A: myself. Exhibit B: Karen fucking Jackson.

Broken can't mend broken. Broken can only lead an illusion of what you think you need.

And that illusion was fucking the one person I needed.

Everything from the coffee shop happened in moments.

I blinked my eyes and I was running down the street. I blinked my eyes and sweat was prickling at my skin. I blinked my eyes and my feet were slamming into the concrete. I blinked my eyes and I was outside.

I blinked my eyes and I was there.

My heart was beating through my chest and out my throat. My stomach was turning at a rate I couldn't control. My breathing was becoming shaky along with my hands. My mind was a tornado of feelings that I couldn't comprehend.

I was the crusade.

I couldn't think. I couldn't decide. I had no choice in the matter.

This was all the addict.