Simply, I still love you. [Sequel to It's Simple. I Use You. You Use Me. ]

Chapter 8

Lucille's POV

I'm stuck in my own train of thoughts, thinking about the other night with Ethan. I am a terrible human being. I am a hypocrite. I was hurt by Ethan in the past, but here I was, hurting Axel. I had to tell him. It would hurt him even more if he were to find out later. I could just explain to him what happened. Explain what? Ethan kissed you and you jumped into his arms, kissed back, and slept with him, the little voice inside me said. Damn, it was right. There is no excuse to any of this. I got ahead of myself and kissing Ethan again made my heart pound because I missed his touch... 

"Lucille!" my boss, Jan, calls me, taking my out of my thoughts. I look up in surprise.

Oh no, I'm going to get in trouble. 

"Yes?" I run to her. 

"What the hell were you doing? I've called your name three times," she says, annoyed. 

"I'm sorry."

"Here. Take these and file them."

She shoves a stack of paperwork to me. I take a step back from the heavyweight of the stack. 

"And Lucille?"

I look up at her. 

"Stop daydreaming. We didn't choose you to daydream. Posters of topless men should be enough." 

If only my problems were a dream, I would feel better. 

She walks away after she lectures me. 

I sigh with the stack in my arms. I stare at the posters across the walls of the topless athletes. I intern at a sports magazine. I didn't know a lot about sports besides baseball from Ethan, but I had other things I could prove to them like my writing skills. I remember the day I got this internship. When I saw the email, I had never been so excited in my entire life. I took this acheivement as a sign to start anew. Ethan would be out of my life and I would change myself for the better. A more mature, more improved Lucille. I would be a fresh Lucille that no one would see as damaged. I stop staring at the posters and head to the filing room. 

I finish filing the documents when I overhear an conversation. 

"I don't like her at all, Mike. She's always daydreaming. She's never doing things right. We could find a better intern some where else."

It was my boss, Jan's, voice. She didn't mention my name, but it sounded like she was definitely talking about me. 

"I think she's doing great. You're just exaggerating. Give her some more time," another voice said. It sounded like my other boss, Mike's, voice.

"More time? I think I've given her plenty. You may be my partner, but I'm going to have to call the shots on this one."

I'm shocked by what I just heard. I hide behind the door to make sure they don't  see me. I walk out when the coast is clear. And to think things couldn't get any worse, I might be let go from my internship in a few days... I sit in one of the bathroom stalls during my break and just sit there staring at the door stall. Why is all of this happening during a time when I thought my life was going so well?

I head home after interning. I am met by a smiling Axel in front of my door. I return a soft smile back, but internally, I feel guilty. Just staring at his happy face, I wanted to crawl into a hole. I wish I hadn't ran into the forest and hurt my leg. I wish I hadn't kissed Ethan back. I wish I didn't even meet Ethan in my life. Why couldn't Axel have been the first to pop up in my life? I take a deep breath. No matter what happens, I have to tell him right now about what I did. He deserves to know. He's too good to me for me to let him hurt even more than this. I have to...