voicemail ~ ai

c.13

May

As I waited on Shayla to get her purse I checked my phone. I couldn't tell if I was surprised or not that Ashton hadn't called. I guess at this point I didn't really know what to expect. 

"Ok, I'm ready." Shayla smiled. She told me she wanted to get frozen yogurt before we started watching a movie. I agree partly because I was starving, and it didn't sound like a terrible idea. We walked down the long hallway in the dorm until we reached the main entrance. I pushed the door open and saw a familiar face sitting on a bench by the door. 

"What are you doing here?" I spoke. He was already looking at me, waiting for me to say the first words. "What's going on?" I turned to Shayla. She was smiling at me, making it clear she knew about this. She didn't answer me, she hugged me and went back inside, leaving me with Ashton. "Are you going to give me an answer?" I questioned once again. 

Ashton got up and walked toward me. "I figured since my game was cancelled I should still see you." I didn't know what to say. Tears spilled out of my eyes but I was still unable to speak. "May I'm sorry. I didn't think this would make you upset. Here sit down." He placed his hand on my back and guided me to the bench. The tears kept coming and I couldn't stop it. "Ok now you have to say something."

"Wow." One syllable was all I could mutter. Ashton looked confused by my choice of wording. "That was shit I'm sorry. I mean, I really can't believe this." 

"So those are happy tears?" 

"I think so. They may also be shocked tears. I think I'm fifty-fifty on that." Ashton smiled, which I was so happy to see. I hadn't seen his smile in far too long. It almost hurt to see him smile, because I knew I couldn't see it for much longer. "So how long are you here?" 

"I have a game on Tuesday so I have to be back by Monday."

"Sunday?"

"Sunday. At night though. So for today, tomorrow and during the day on Sunday I'm all yours."

"Ashton it really sucked. Not knowing when I was going to actually talk to you." He was taken aback by change in topic, but I could tell he understood. "How am I supposed to be sure that when you leave that it isn't going to go back to that?"

"May, it'll be different. I promise. It was just new, you know." I wasn't sure if I could believe what he was telling me, I wanted to, but it was tough. "Can we not think about that? I love you and I want to be with you. Can't you see that? Why are you thinking about this? I just flew from Oklahoma to see you." 

"I didn't mean to make you upset I just wanted to be real."

"I am being real with you, May. Being here on this bench is real. Why can't you just forget about that for a couple days?" Ashton questioned.

"Because I can't pretend like this weekend is going to be amazing." I took a deep breath and continued. "Not when there's a possibility of just going right back." Ashton ran his fingers through his curly hair. 

"May, I can't change anything about this situation."

"I know. But maybe I should." My heart was racing at this point. I could hardly control the words coming out of my mouth. My mouth was speaking faster than what my brain could comprehend. Was I even sure I wanted this? 

"What?"

I stood up abruptly from the bench. "I'll see you tomorrow." I didn't bother to look back, I couldn't see what my words did to him.