A Happy Marriage?

Chapter 19: Anger

She cried for most of the night over something so menial. Her moment of putting herself out there was over with in minutes and now she feels depressed all over again. She's always known depression like a childhood friend- always there just when she's about to break and trying to comfort her with pain. Sliding her watch off her wrist, she looks at the garish hack job that came to life her sophomore year of high school. She used her bathroom mirror to cut her flesh as she told herself how ugly and hideous she was. The words she heard from everyone- including her siblings. Their words were forming on her skin and she just helped them show up faster.

When her father found what she did, shame came over him, but not from not knowing his daughter's feelings were hurt, but that she defaced God's creation over stupid drama. No one was to know about her "accident". She was forced to cover it up with watches or tons of bracelets, coats, long sleeve shirts. No one could know that the figure head of a company had a mental case for a daughter. Tears well up in her eyes and she feels more pain pool into her body.

"Who am I?" She doesn't know. Getting up, she whips the $300 watch at the brick wall and watches it shatter. Stomping over to her vanity, she throws open the top drawers and starts chucking more watches and expensive chunky bracelets at the brick wall. When Daryl hears the commotion, she doesn't even notice he's there from her fit. She just keeps throwing her expensive accessories and watches them smash and fall into pieces. Dodging his way to her, he gets in front of her and tries to calm her down but it's pointless. Hundreds of watches and bracelets lay in shambles on the floor. When Daryl grabs her by her wrists to stop her, he feels the scar and just pulls her into his body. At first she struggles against him and then just stoops in posture with her hands pinned to his chest. Her tears stain his teeshirt and the only thing he can do is back up and sit on the bed with her on his lap. She hides her face in his chest under his chin and cries harder and harder trying to gasp for air.

"Don't...cry. Please..." As the struggling stops, she feels the warmth of his body envelope her. Normally, when she had fits as a child, her father would scold her or paddle her bottom. Crying was forbade. She hid so many of her emotions that they pent up in her body and she never cried, up until the last two years now. It's in Daryl's arms now that she feels safe to sob. Something about him just makes her feel, valued. "I know why you're upset... and I'm sorry. Earlier I was panicked. I didn't want to hurt you and..."

"Hurt me?" She looks cross at him and sits confused.

"Yeah...it hurts the first time...typically. I didn't want to hurt you." She looks at his chest and feels stupid for getting so worked up.

"No one ever thinks about how others feel...Daryl..." She wants to thank him, but it's too embarrassing.

"Besides...you want your first time to be with someone you love- right?" He hugs her and then sets her on the bed. Going out of her room, he walks down stairs and sits on the couch. He loves her...but he knows the feeling is not mutual. She told him flat out she could never love him. No matter how long they live together and act married- the feelings will never be sincere.

Looking at herself in the vanity mirror, a twisting happens in her chest. He wants her first time to be with someone she loves. She does love someone but they can never be together. And about him cheating? Is he going to admit it? Or is he gonna pretend he's done nothing wrong?

Getting up, she goes downstairs and finds him sitting with Mouse on the couch. Going to the recliner, she sits down. It's odd though. She never sits there. Usually, just because, she sits on the couch beside him as they watch tv. But today she's making her statement loud and clear- that he can't make her fall for his lies.

"On Monday, I need you to fix that bike and send it to Atrum so it'll be ready for the shop." He just sits there and looks stiff.

"I was fired."

"Well you're rehired. I have the final say anyway..." He sighs and she stops. "What?"

"I took another job." Anger crosses her face.

"What?"

"I figured maybe, a different job would be better so I got one at Jones and Shepherd's..."

"No. You aren't leaving Greene Cycles Daryl."

"I already did. Besides, it may be better if I work somewhere else anyway. People were starting to get suspicious of us at work and Negan wasn't going to make my work any easier so..."

"So that's it? You're just abandoning us? This marriage?" She seems more upset than angry now and Daryl doesn't seem to get it.

"I'm not abandoning us. The agreement was to be married to you. It never stated that I have to work for you for the contract and the situation to stay." He stands up and goes to the recliner where Beth has her arms and legs crossed. Pouting. She is pouting. "Hey...listen, this will be good for both of us. Besides, they're company and yours are work partners. So I'm kinda still working for you, just not in the same sense. You'll still be receiving my engines- I just won't be installing them."

"You're not working for another company."

"Well sweetheart, I am. And there's nothing you can do about it." Frustrated, Beth gets up and pushes passes the frustrating man. Going to the door, she pulls on her boots and coat and heads out of the apartment. Daryl just shakes his head at this. She's blowing things out of the water and for now, Daryl is fine with that.