A Happy Marriage?

Chapter 26: Smoke and Ash

Waiting for something. A miracle, a spark, an inclination of some kind- it takes a lot out of you and makes everything else important seem like a rock in your shoe.

Sitting in a very uncomfortable arm chair all night was not her idea of helpful. Beth just wanted to understand  the one thing that was set in her path.

Was Daryl ever going to forgive her?

After the doctor told her that Daryl was going to be just fine after a few days, she was over joyed, but nervous.

What if he hates her?

What if he leaves?

What if....

There are too many what ifs for one person to stew through. That's all she's done for the passed 48 hours. It's endless. It's her fault. All of it. And as she sits there, waiting for Daryl to flutter an eyelash or wrinkle his nose, twitch a finger or toe: she nervously tries to understand herself and her selfish ways. It's always been about her. These passed two years, her whole existence. She has always managed to put herself and her goals before anyone else. She wants to change that, for Daryl. She wants to give him the world. Yet, at the same time, she's still not sure she's ready to allow him in hers. There are dark places in it. So dark that it scares her to just turn around sometimes. If people understood what her life was actually like, then they wouldn't find her glamorous, smart, an idol, or anything worthy to mention. Her soul is beyond pure and her heart is far from being able to love. She doesn't have that capability. Or at least, it never used to. Since she met Daryl, since everything that happened between them took place, her heart is starting to push out the darkness and learn to feel things beside vengeance and greed. She wants to love him the way movies make love seem. For them to go on a powerful journey together, to love, loss, and to end up with one of them running through the airport in hopes of catching them just to make a grand gesture of love and gratitude.

But, this isn't the movies. And love doesn't work that way. In this reality, once you fight and the door closes on your face- it never reopens again.

Sitting up, she looks at the clock above Daryl's head and finds that it reads 4:43 a.m. She's been up for over twenty four hours and still nothing from Daryl. She's tired. Getting up, she closes the door to the room and dims the lights a bit more. Going to the hospital bed, she slides onto the half of it that is free, but she has no choice but to cling to Daryl to stay in place. Laying there, next to nearly a complete stranger, Beth begins to realize that this body beside her, feels like home. Her grandfather used to tell her when she was just a little girl, that home is where the heart is. She never understood that. It never had a clear meaning. But now, now she understands perfectly. Daryl. He is her home because she truly loves him. His heart is her home. His breath is her oxygen. His body, her temple. If only she could have understood that a year ago, or even two- then she wouldn't have ruined him. He wouldn't be here, in this hospital bed, half alive and fighting. Tears stream down her face, and land on his chest. Her body curls around him more and she just weeps in pain. Her tears put her to sleep and her dreams try to sooth and calm her.

Imobile. His body aches with sharp pains in his arms. But the rest of him feels heavy and hot. fluttering his eyes open, the first thing he notices is her delicate hand on his chest. Looking down and to the left slightly, he finds Beth snuggled into his side, fast asleep. A smile crosses his tired face. She is beautiful and he can't help but love to look at her.

How stupid she must think I am. How weak. When she wakes up, she will probably divorce me and put me out to dry.

He doesn't move, in fear of waking her and having to watch her walk out of his life. It would be tragic to lose something you care so much for. His heart would most likely jump from his chest cavity and chase her down, while his body lays to waste and rot. He is unworthy of her and all that she is. She is like sunshine and he is the darkness of the moon.