First Drafts ~ Indians, Puppies, Emos ~ Book 1

Enchantment: Chapter 2 ~ The Lost

     It was Autumn in Quirkyville. That meant the water wouldn't be ice but it was freezing. Melanie expected that but teleporting into another world, She was on fire with ice dropping on her. It hurt a lot. Surprisingly, it took 30 minutes to finally see Tulip. (This was my attempt to be original)

When she got there Tulip was covered with scars and bruises. "You see the consequence for traveling without the opal". she said (omg! She mention the thing in chapter 1 😱) "If my mom had this at her wedding, then my parents must be here!" she smiled and danced. "Well . . . um . . . . sory but (your parents are still dead)" Tulip stuttered. "They died in the war." (Wait a minute, if Melanie's parents died in this world, then how did Jeremy get the opal? Tulip made it clear that it's nearly impossible to travel between worlds without the opal) she added quickly. Melanie stopped "How did you know-" "They were the only humans." (Remember that 😉 )Tulip interupted.

     "The Lost." (Omg, she said the name of the chapter! 😱) Tulip said out of no where. "That's the name of this place, you left before I could finish." She added. (Well, can't wait to never see that name ever again) "Will you be okay?" Melanie asked pointing at Tulips scars. "Every fairy has has one power, except the queen, she has more. (Omg! I totally forgot about this 😂! And it's not like it's something I just added for the "audience" to know that Tulip was going to be okay - I'm remembering a whole subplot and everything!) My power is healing." She said happily. She grabbed Melanie's arm, too tight it hurt. OW, why does everything in this world really hurt. (I actually laughed at that) Rushing into a wall, they both fell. "Ugh, I found the prophecied!" Tulip yelled. The wall opened. "One of Rowan's powers." She said proudly. "Is she the-" "She is the queen!" Tulip interupted again. Is Tulip sure she, herself, can read minds?

Once they got outside, The kingdom was strange. There were houses and a castle and more kingdom like stuff, (KINGDOM LIKE STUFF!?! WTAH) but it was in thin air! Little chunks of the earth were in the air with a house or store on it. Roots were at the bottom of each chunk. Melanie looked down, there was just gray smoke covering what was probably once where land was. She looked at the land she can see, dead grass with no one, untill she saw a boy moving! (OMG! 😂 There's such a long backstory to this boy! At first he was her love interest, and then he was still her love interest but he was betrothed to this other girl, and then I completely scrapped the idea of them being a couple and had him marry the other girl without any betrothal)

Didn't Tulip say my parents were the only humans? He looked a little older than Melanie. brown hair that was messed or spiked up with his skin being a little lighter than than his hair. He was looking for something or being curious.

     "Can we-" "When the boy is gone." Tulip interupted. The boy looked up and waved. Why when the first human I see, I can't even meet them! (HEY, that's fairy discrimination!) Melanie sighed. Wait a minute, there has to be more, a hidden city maybe!

     She was able to pull Tulips tight hand and let go. (Wait, wth) She was not turning down this oppertunity. (So, she's going to kill herself?!?) At least the ground wasn't too far. (Melanie...it's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop) "What are you doing!" Tulip exclaimed. (Save her.) "Are you mad!" she went on. (Save her.) "He saw you with the (one) fairies he thinks your one of us!" Tulip cried. (Here's a crazy thought...save her.) "I don't have wings, so goodbye." Melanie told her. The last thing she heard was "She's going to get killed.". (I just realized, Melanie's rather slow when it comes to falling...also, SAVE HER, BITCH [I couldn't hold it in much longer, I'm sorry])

     Melanie didn't care she wanted to meet these people. (People? Did we miss a scene?) "Hey!" she yelled. "I won't hurt you!" she yelled again. "I'm not as dangerous as I look!" Melanie yelled one more time. ("I'm not dangerous! Just ignore my yelling!") Well I will come to him. (WAIT. You weren't chasing after him!?!) She started walking, it was hard to see him in the smoke. She soon got up to a forrest. Melanie walk into it. "Hey you!" someone said. She turned around. There were two people, a boy with black hair and same skin color as the other boy. The girl (THIS CHIC! This was the chic the other guy was betrothed to!), she had dark brown hair and (skin) a lot lighter than her hair.

"Have you seen my brother?" he asked. That explain same skin tone. (Oh, so if you have the same skin tone, you're obviously related 😑) "The boy over there?" she asked pointing at the smoke. He nodded. (Wait, how did he know that his brother was back there?) "I'm Coal (*slaps myself*) this is Widow." Coal said. "Did we need to say are names!" Widow snapped. "Don't mind her, she is a angry wolf." he joked to Melanie. "Mud-brain." Widow whispered.

     "You seem familiar." Coal looked at Melanie. (GREAT. I did the cliché "___ looks familiar" which I hate as a way to foreshadow!) "No, No, you are not!" Widow cried. (Why is Widow such a jerk to Melanie? Yeah, that's how I wrote her "personality" but she's literally got no reason to hate Melanie. Actually, she should be lucky they ran into Melanie! Melanie was the one who told them where Coal's brother was!)

     "Yes!"
     "No!"
     "Yes!"
     "No!"
     "Yes!"
     "It's still No!"

(You'll notice that I love to use this type of conversation)

     "Are you forgetting who your talking to?" Coal asked. "FINE!" Widow exclaimed, walking away. "follow us?" He asked Melanie. "Sure! (I just met you a minute ago)" she answered.

      He ran into they woods. Melanie tried to chase after him but he was too fast. "Wait!" she yelled. "Sorry, I forgot we are faster than humans." he spoke. (I just realized, how are Coal and Widow exactly different from humans? The fairies make sense but...oh no.) "Is that how your different ("different")?" she asked. He nodded. "Well, one of the reasons." he added. "Where are you taking me?" she asked. "My tribe, well sort trib (TRIB.)" Coal ansewered. "What is it called?" she asked. Tribe is propaly a city, right? "The tribe (no, trib) of the falling falcon." (Oh no...a nine-year-old, white girl is about be diving into a culture she has little to no knowledge about...beware reader; beware)