(Sorry, I haven't updated in a while. And I accidentally deleted this chapter 😤. So anyway, don't you just love how snarky these chapter names are getting?)
About a mile away from the camp, there was an area. (Oh. Just an area?) A ditch or hole, in the center a huge firepit. (Wait, so either the fire is in the center of the ditch or the ditch IS the fire) The walls were staircases or chairs. Cut out. (Idk why "cut out" needed to be a new sentence. You only use this trick for suspense. Ex: The cops showed me the dead body. My own sister.) "What do you mean by 'your tribe'." (It's HIS tribe -- sorry, trib) Melanie asked Coal. "As you saw, the man with the black hair and beard (OMG! I forgot Thorn had a beard!) is my father, he is also the cheif." He answered. Coal hopped down to the firepit. He said something to Bear and Maple, (wow. For very unimportant characters, Bear and Maple sure get a lot of attention...😂 What if there's literally 7 seven people in the trib) and they left.
"Lets begin!" she heard Widow and Fawn say. (Why is Widow saying that? I understand Fawn since she's like an elder but Widow's literally "The-daughter-of-that-one-famous-person") Coal quickly came up, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down. (Oh no, the cringe. Apparently 9-year-old Bayleigh loved pronouns! Nowadays, I can't even go one sentence without addressing a characters name! There are FEW things that make me have a full-body-cringe! 1. Scraping utensils (literally shuddering at the thought) and 2. TOO MANY pronouns) Drums played. This must be very important to go formal. (Oh yeah, wasn't expecting the ceremony that introduces the prophesied one to be informal.) She took off her fingerless (gloves) and hat. The cheif threw something in the pit the imeadiatly went in flames. (Bayleigh learn how to start a fire from Are You Afraid of the Dark)
"As we all know the war started 30 years ago, There was soon a prophecy, some one from a different the others will stop this dreadful war. (Um, Thorn...buddy, you're the Chief. Just say that sentence again) We found her!" He said pointing at Melanie. "Fawn will start weaving the rug!" he added. What rug? "This war will be over when Its taken off the loom." (Didn't know you were a mind-reader, Thorn) he said. WAIT what! Maybe Fawn is a slow weaver! What if its a big rug. (Oh. This is where I began my MC's snarky, inner thoughts) "I am honored to do this, Thorn." Fawn told him.
They walked back to camp. (Oh, no proper closure, it just ends) She sighed. "What's wrong?" Coal asked her. "I wasn't expecting to stop a war after a rug is done, I knew 'Melanies Magical Curse' will come sooner or later. At least it can't be worst." she answered. (Wow...actual human emotion with chemistry...)
"Get away from my brother!" (Ooh. Someone's jelly) some one came from the bushes and attacked her. "Oak, stop." (Wow, you seem to angry that your brother attacked someone 😑) Coal pulled him away from her. "There you we been looking for you!" (What is with this family and their WONDERFUL grammar) Coal exclaimed. "Who is this?" Oak asked. "Melanie, and I'm apparently the prophecied one." She answered. "Cool, (cool?She's the PROPHESIED and you have the NERVE to say "cool.") were you going to the pit?" he asked. "We were leaving." Coal answersed. Oak kicked the dust "oh." He turned and left. "Night" he said. "Wait!" Coal yelled to him. Oak stopped and turned. "What were you doing near the battlefield?" he asked. "Oh...well, um." he stuttered. Coal smirked "Busted." (🎤 I don't wanna put the hurt on you but you betta believe me when I finally got the dirt on you 🎤 -- sorry, a bit of a nostalgia flashback...um, syl 😁)
YOU ARE READING
First Drafts ~ Indians, Puppies, Emos ~ Book 1
RandomI was looking through my notebooks from one or two years ago and thought, "JESUS! These are awful! Gotta publish them on Wattpad . . ."
