As Long As We're Together

1: Blood

I choked back my tears as I sped down the highway, I was going 110 on a 60 mph road. I didn't care if I crashed or what happened, I was actually hoping I would crash. Maybe then I wouldn't have to think of a way to end myself.

Blood from my cut lip dripped down my chin and neck, my eye throbbed and felt like it was on fire. I couldn't choke back my tears any longer, no one was in the car so it didn't matter if I sobbed like a girl on her period.

Once one tear fell, they all came at once.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, I gripped the steering wheel and clenched my teeth. My breathes grew shorter and more rapid as streams of tears ran down my cheeks.
Suddenly my phone vibrated and I looked down, my best friend Nathan just texted.

He brought me back to reality, Nathan always did. I took a deep shaky breath and slowed down.

I pulled my car off to the side of the highway and rolled the windows down as a cool breeze came through them. I flinched as the cold air touched my busted lip but it felt good, you know some pain feels good? Like when you have a loose tooth, it hurts but in a weird way feels good, no? Ok, maybe I'm just weird.

I slowly grabbed my phone and pressed it against my chest trying to stop crying.

Once I thought I could handle talking to him without sobbing I called, Nathan answered immediately

"Ray, are you ok?!!!!" Screamed Nathan on the other end "What happened?! I saw you run out of the party all bloody!"

I heard people partying on the other end, I could hear them laughing and a drake remix playing. I heard some screaming and indistinct loud talking, my head started to throb and I started choking up. Flashbacks started popping up in my head, the pain, the yelling it was replaying in my head over and over.

"D-dude." I said trying not to break down in tears "Just g-go outside. I can't hear you..."

"Yeah, ok, I will man." The noise subsided as Nathan went outside. "So, will you tell me what happened Ray?"

"Nathan, man. I messed up so bad!" I suddenly broke down when I finally thought I had my feelings under control. I started crying and hyperventilating, I gasped for air as it felt like someone was choking me.

"Yo Ray, chill out! Your going to have a panic attack or something!" Nathan assured.

"T-too late. I-i think I already am." Tears kept coming down, but I tried to keep a steady breath so I could talk. "Nathan. You're my best friend, so I can tell you this..."

"Ok, you're starting to freak me out more and more. Just say it."

"I will man, I just." I grabbed my hair tightly and closed my eyes as hard as I could. "I cheated on Jess."

"Woah, who did you bang?" Nathan seemed confused "Hold up. Dude I thought something horrible happened!"

"Something horrible DID happen, I loved Jess, I mean I think I did. I screwed everything up so bad. Oh and... uh." I sniffed taking a deep shaky breath, "It was, Jamal's girl Kelsey... he walked in on us and beat the hell out of me, I can still remember every second of it, then he beat Kelsey."

"You're alright though, yeah? Like no broken bones or anything?"

"Just a busted up lip, a black eye and a few bruised ribs. They may be cracked, I don't know. I ran out before he could do anything worse to me." I sighed "I need to get my mind off this shit. What you got on you?"

"Only weed, I can get some coke from inside if you want. Lil Jay is sellin' again"

"I want something stronger." I joked trying to make our conversation more light, this emotional stuff was too much for both of us.

"What like a joint mixed with ice and dipped in embalming fluid?" Nathan joked.

"Hah nah, It's fine, just get some coke from Lil Jay and I'll pick you up."

I usually wouldn't really be down for something that harsh, coke I mean. In all honesty, if Nathan wasn't my friend I wouldn't have tried half the drugs I have. Nathan brought me out of my comfort zone while me still being comfortable if that makes sense.

Nathan was more outgoing than I was, he was more handsome and more spontaneous as well. I wouldn't know who I would be today if it wasn't for Nathan. He shaped who I was, I'm not sure if that was good or bad but it felt right.

What didn't feel right was what I just did. Cheating on Jess was a scary thought, especially now since it became a reality.

I didn't know what she would do, would she leave me? Hate me? Forgive me? Jess was unpredictable, that's part of the reason I liked her. I'm not sure if I loved her though, maybe I was just in love with the feeling or in love with the thought. The thought of two people being together in perfect harmony, but that doesn't happen in real life.

I'm not sure why I even cheated on her in the first place, it was a moment I wish I could have taken back. Maybe it was the alcohol that made me do it, or maybe it was the way Kelsey had her hair that night. She did have a way of seducing the few men that would turn her down the first time, I thought I was stronger than that though.

Kelsey was the school slut, everyone had done her, multiple times. Maybe she thought that if everyone wanted her she would be important. But she wasn't important to anyone, maybe for a few seconds during sex people thought she was important but then again probably not she was just easy and that's what guys wanted. Mostly freshmen, because they were so eager to loose their V card.

Sensible guys didn't want her, well at first, like me. For the longest time I turned her down. That made her want me more though, it was like a game for her. A sick twisted sexual game, she probably had her own point system. I wonder how many points I was?

My thoughts trailed back and forth, I wondered why Kelsey even was with Jamal. Not 'with' like just sleeping with him but 'with' as in a couple.

Kelsey never settled down for anyone she just hopped from one guy to another. Literally...

Maybe another reason why I slept with Kelsey could have been that I was just selfish and wanted everything to myself, whatever it was I had mixed feelings about it all.