Our Life Together

Emotional Mess

"Mom, I'll be fine."  Liam argues while packing his bag "It's only a week.  I'm not leaving you for years."

"I know, it's just the first time you're away this long without us."  I try to hold back tears.  My baby is growing up too fast.

"I just know I'm going to miss you.  And worry.  And probably go crazy not being able to check up on you like I normally can."  I add, thinking about how he won't have cell reception where he is going "Just be safe, okay?"

"Mom, if you're going to cry can you please get dad to help me pack?"  He completely ignores me, trying to avoid my over reacting "I love you, but you've been crying too much recently."

"Fine."  I wipe away the few tears that have formed and pull myself together "What else do you need?"

He goes over the list of what he has so far, leaving me with the job of rolling up the sheets he'll need for his bed.  I start to roll them up while he finishes putting everything in his suitcase.  As I shove it in with everything else, I notice myself starting to get very emotional again.  I can't help it this time.

"DAD!"  Liam walks towards the door yelling "Come get mom!  She won't stop crying!  It's ruining my vacation!" Brad runs in the room, too used to my sudden emotional outbursts, and pulls me out to the hall. 

"Jen, he's going for a week.  He's in good hands."  He tries to calm me down, but eventually knows it's not going to work "Just think of all the fun he's going to have.  He'll be fine."

"I know that.  I just never thought the day would come where one of them wants to go away for more than a few days."  I close my eyes, trying to fight tears as he pulls me closer for comfort.  He rubs my back, resting my head on his shoulder while he tries to get me to stop being some inconsolable hormonal mother.

"I know you're going to miss him, babe.  I am too.  I don't really like that we won't be able to talk either, but it's going to be worth it for him.  The more you cry like this, the more he is going to feel bad about going.  I know you don't want to ruin this for him."

"I don't understand why I'm so emotional this time."  I try not to cry while thinking about the idea of him leaving "I wasn't like this before.  I don't want him to think that I'm mad he's going, I just can't control it."

"We know you aren't mad.  You're just a big mess right now.  He knows you're just worried.  It's not going to ruin anything for him.  If anything, he's excited to get away from his very emotional mother."

"Oh thanks, that really helps."  I walk into our room, sitting on the bed "I just don't understand why I'm so much more emotional this time.  Was I really this bad before?"

"No."  He sits beside me, pulling me closer "Well with Jack you cried over that cupcake you dropped for a while, but you weren't this bad.  I think this one is just warning us that it's going to be making us cry for the rest of our lives.  Probably going to be doing dumb things."

We get up after I'm finally calmed down for good, just in time to see that Liam is ready to leave.  I manage to hug him goodbye without bursting into tears, and go over to play with Gabe, Liv and Jack to take my mind off things.

"What are you guys playing?"  I ask laughing at them crawling around on the floor like a bunch of animals.

"We're pets."  Gabe answers "I'm a dog, Jack is a cat and Liv is a mouse because she's the tiny one."

"Oh great.  Now we need an exterminator."  I joke.  They continue to crawl around chasing each other.  Jack chases Liv, trying to catch her, and Gabe chases Jack just because he thinks it's funny.

"Momma!!"  Liv runs up to me screaming and holding her arm "Jack bite!"

"WHAT?!?" I look from her to Jack, who is sitting in the corner looking scared shitless.

"Let me see, baby."  I set her on my lap to look.  There's a little mark and bruise on her arm, but she's gonna be fine.  Whether she wants to admit it or not.

"What's all the crying about?"  Brad walks in a few minutes later.

"Mom started crying for no reason again."  Gabe lies.

"Nice, Gabe."  I glare over at him "That hasn't happened since this morning, I'm doing good today."

"Yeah, and this morning lasted how long?"  Brad sits with Olivia and me "Why is Jack all the way over there?"

"He bited me."  Liv starts to cry again "See?" He looks at her arm for a few seconds to make her happy before walking over to talk to Jack.

He talks to Jack about how biting can hurt people, and as soon as he can get away from Brad, Jack is running over to us for Liv.

"I'm sorry."  He says sweetly "I won't bite again."

"It okay."  Liv replies, reaching out for a hug "I still luv you." 

Brad walks back over to me where we sit watching them.  They look so cute and innocent until Gabe breaks up the hug and gets them to start playing again. 

"You know he's gonna end up pushing her or something again, right?"  Brad says, pulling me on his lap as he wraps his arms around my slightly swollen belly "Then we're going to have that to deal with."

"Yeah well she probably deserves it anyway."  I reply, watching as she hits him hoping we won't notice "She's really starting to fight back more."

"Maybe we'll get lucky and this one won't drive us crazy."

"Good luck with that."