Our Life Together

Complaints

"Brad!"  I adjust the mirror, getting a better look at myself, analyzing every growing inch of my body "Brad!  Come up here!" 

"What?!?"  He runs into the room, completely out of breath "Are you okay?  What's wrong?"

"Am I getting fat?  I feel like I am.  And my boobs hurt."   I complain, continuing to look in the mirror "Just be honest."

"Babe,"  He walks up behind me "You're beautiful, okay?  Obviously you're gaining weight, but that doesn't change anything.  You can't help if the baby needs more room."

"I just feel horrible.  This time is so much worse than the other 4.  I feel like all I am anymore is fat, bitchy, and miserable."

"You are, but it's okay."  He admits, walking up to kiss me "You have every reason to be.  You're going through so much for both of us.  I just hope you realize that it doesn't matter what you look like, or how you act because I'll always love you for so many reasons, and being the best mother and wife in the world are just two of them.  Complain all you want, I don't care."

I sigh, wanting to believe him, but know that for some reason I can't.  I have no reason not to, it's just hard knowing how I've been acting towards him recently.  If I were him right now, I'd want to kill me.  I hate acting like this, especially towards my family.

"I just don't even feel like myself, Brad." I sit on the bed, resting my hand on my belly so the baby starts to move "I mean I love being pregnant and getting to feel all of this and everything, but at the same time I don't like all the extra stuff.  Like I didn't sign up to blow up like a whale and not have any ankles for 9 months.  It's not like I asked for the swollen fingers and toes, or the huge, painful boobs either.  It's just annoying... but at the same time, the most amazing thing ever."

He walks over, remaining silent and sits behind me.  He knows right now that what I need most is for him to listen to be bitch and comfort me.  I feel the warmth of his hands as he reaches around me to rest them with mine on my swollen belly.  The baby obviously realizes the presence as well, and starts to kick even harder.  I smile, letting the feeling of my unborn child and their father bond take over my emotions, keeping me from thinking about everything else.

"Just remember that you're always going to be perfect to us.  The kids love you more than you'll ever know.  They look up to you like you're the most amazing person in the world, which is true.  They couldn't have anyone better in this whole world to be raising them into annoying little people."

"They are really annoying."  I laugh, thinking about how annoying they can get "I know that I should be worried about my family, and what you guys think of me, but it's like every time I step or of this house I'm judged.  I can't get away from it.  All anyone can ever say is how it looks like twins, how I seem like a big bitch, or even that I don't pay attention to my kids to begin with.  It just sucks."

"Don't listen to them.  They're all judgemental freaks.  They don't understand how amazing you are and what all you do for everyone, and they definitely have no right to talk about what you look like."  He moves his hands around, trying to get the baby to follow the movement.

"Besides,"  He adds "I love you however you look, and this just makes more of you to love.  The baby is like a cool game, too.  Especially when you're sleeping and I can't.  I like doing this and getting to feel all the movement."

"I know, you're always doing it.  I can feel everything, I just normally choose to ignore it because I know how you like it.  I need the sleep anyway."

We sit on the bed in silence, thinking about everything we possibly can.  The baby has gotten tired, and is now using my bladder as a pillow, making me wish I could be asleep as well.  This pregnancy is really kicking my ass, mostly because I have no break between the lack of sleep and having to chase around 4 other kids.  Brad has been a huge help, but I still feel like I need to sleep for years.  It's just messing with me all over.  I feel terrible, I don't act like myself, I'm even more bitchy than normal, I have myself convinced that I look like an oversized whale, and I hardly have any energy at all anymore.  I feel really bad for Brad though.  I just blame him for everything because it's easy to do, but really he has been nothing but amazing to me and the kids.  He's really stepped up to help with what I can't do, but I haven't thanked him in anyway.

"Thank you."  I turn towards him for a kiss "Thank you for everything you've been doing for us.  I wouldn't be able to make it through any of this without you.  And thanks for not thinking I'm some fat pig, even if I think otherwise.  As soon as this baby is out and I can actually move like a normal person again, I promise I'll help."

"Hey, you deserve all the help you get." He kisses me back "I would never be able to do anything without you... or at least having you teach me.  You've given me everything I need to be the best dad ever.  Literally.  I just want you to worry about you and the baby being healthy.  That's all for now."

"I love you."  I look him in the eyes, forgetting about everything else "So much." 

"I love you too, babe."