unhealthy - 2jae

nine - bummie 2.0

(a/n: quick note here u m this chapter is honestly a mess but more importantly please skip this chapter if the mention of rape bothers you, thank you.)

tell me all your secrets.

"...What does that-"

"Please, hyung, let me explain," he begs while another tear is falling down his cheek. He breathes in shakily, heavily.

"Back when I was acting, I was at the studio a lot to practice with the other actors. There was- there was this man who played the role of the girl's father. He would throw me in one of the bathroom stalls and lock the door. And then, and then, he- he did a lot of things and I didn't like it, I didn't like it all, he was disgusting, it made me feel disgusting, he was making me gross and dirty, I was still forced to act with him because I couldn't, I couldn't tell anyone," Youngjae rambles on until he's finally at his breaking point and sobs. Believe me, I am absolutely speechless.

"That's why I quit acting... I didn't want that, every time I think of someone's hands or skin I see him in my mind, and I just can't," he says while unstoppable tears flow down. I want to hold him in my arms, but I can't. Not yet.

"...Youngjae," I say softly, leaning closer but leaving enough personal space for him. He turns his head to the side, to where I'm sitting next to him. His face is indescribable, but still somehow beautiful. He's sobbing and sniffling continuously, so I make another attempt.

"Yah, listen. You don't have to think about that prick. Choi Youngjae, listen to me." I lean even closer. His arms are hugging each other in a defensive pose. "You only have to think about me. Im Jaebum. I'm the one that can keep you safe from this world's scums. No one will ever touch you again like that, ever. Because I will beat the shit out of them if that happens."

It's hard to tell what he's trying to tell me. The sobbing, of course, makes everything even more difficult to understand. But the main thing I can make out is that he's nodding his head over and over again.

"I'm scared," he attempts to say. "I'm scared, Jaebum-hyung. Help me."

I instantly hug that kid when I hear those words. I don't even care if he's anxious about others touching him anymore. The longer I watch him cry alone, the more I feel like a piece of shit.

And he wraps his arms around my neck.

I can feel the tears soaking into my shirt by now. I lean my face next to his ear and whisper, "Am I disgusting to you?"

It's vague, but he shakes his head.

I count that as an "okay" sign. I place my lips on his forehead, although not exactly kissing it. My fingers run through his hair and I can tell that he's calming down.

"Youngjae-ah," I coo, "don't cry like this in the future because it hurts me to see you like this. It hurts so fucking much, I don't think you understand. I want you to be happy."

He nods his head again. His voice is muffled, considering that he's speaking into my chest. "Hyung doesn't scare me and I trust his touch."

I start rubbing his back as if I'm his mother and he's a toddler. Honestly, that isn't far from how I currently feel about this situation. From the way his back rises and lowers, his breathing pace is at a nearly normal speed. My hands are on his back, my arms tightly around his torso.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can feel every delicate little curve of his body, and it's not doing me good.

"...Let's go back, hyung," he says after lifting his face off from my chest slightly. There's something that still bothers so I stop him.

"The gloves," I state in a simple manner, but it's enough for Youngjae to get the idea.

"Take them off," he asks me, instead of stripping them off himself. I grab his hands from around my neck and he's finally sitting up straight. He's peering down at his lap. I slide one of the gloves off from his right hand, and I do the same for the other hand. I'm holding onto both of his hands as I stand up and pull him with me. He stumbles a bit, but he's able to get up on his two feet.

"Aish," I murmur quietly. I lead him back to the building and he follows, just a few steps behind. He still insists on holding my hand. "What am I going to do with a kid like you? I thought I was the patient."

"..." Youngjae is absolutely silent, apart from some occasional sniffles.

"Stay with me," he suddenly says, "Please." He isn't looking at me, but his hand grips tightly around mine.

I sigh softly through my nose.

"It's hard to leave someone like you alone."