10 reasons not to die today

10. The power to make the right ending.

Chapter 10. The power to make the right ending.

8th June 2016

9:30 pm

On the rooftop with Peter

Things are getting a lot better lately. I have entered the workforce again starting last month. Thankfully the new company that I am in agreed to transferred me into their Accounting to Report (OTR) team. The wages are much higher than previously offered and what's more, they are using SAP rather than CODA, the system that I used in my previous company. SAP really makes my life better. The month-end closing process are much smoother - It's been a while since I stayed back late night during month-end closing.

I have enrolled in writing class on weekends, and keep working on my novel. As for Peter, I was proud that he scores in his last semester exams – apparently working as a part-time mechanic sparks his interest in the automotive field. I'm glad that he found his passion early in life.

I've heard from Uncle Ben that Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer level 4. Doctor said that years of heavy smoking combined with his drinking behavior linked to the aggressive cancer. Me and Peter was shocked to hear that. Nonetheless, none of us are ready to meet him. There is too much at stake. Our mental health, emotional state and not to mention the future that we are building can crumbled within seconds if we aren't careful with his tricks. We aren't ready to forgive him and put everything in the past. For now, life continues as usual.

Peter was adamant not to meet him. Said that he deserves to rot in hell, for everything that he did to us. I'm more worried about Mum, a kind woman who unfortunately married a narcissistic man. She depends too much on dad - her lives practically revolves around him. If dad dies, I wondered can she start a new life without him?

Our broken home, though we hate it so much, has brought us into this world. While we do not understand yet the wisdom behind this, I feel strongly there are certain matters that need to be straightened out between us before our sick father leaves this world.

May God grant me and Peter the strength to face our father before it's too late. Amen

I've lived long enough to know that even the darkest moment shall pass. Life is like a game – the rules had been laid out clearly by the game Creator. The movement of sun, and the changes of seasons await no man - time moves whether we are ready or not. We are all, willingly or unwillingly, participants in this game of life.

One of the characters of being a believer is that we are grateful for all the kindness that is bestowed to us, and we bear with patience for any great calamities that befall on us. Suicide isn't an option to the believers; God hated it so much so that He forbid paradise for those who choose to kill themselves.

"And do not kill yourselves, surely God is most Merciful to you"

-Surah An Nisa, The Holy Quran (4:29)

Oh Allah,

by the light of your face which has filled the pillar of your throne;

Oh Allah,

The one who responds to the one who needs Him;

Save me from the demon in me.

Oh the ones who saves, save me.

Nope, I shall not die yet. I won't die until the tree beneath God's heavenly throne has shed a leaf bearing my name. I would continue to fight and live well until the angel of death himself comes to greet me, for which I would welcomed him with a smile, knowing that I had lived a long and good life.