pages- harry styles (au)

three

I was a ball of emotions after discovering who Abby was; sad, heartbroken, distant, speechless. I re-read the four letters I had already read countless times, studying them and taking in every detail; it was kind of obvious that Abby was his daughter, but then again it wasn't.

I put the book down once again, refraining myself from becoming even more sad. I played scenarios in my head, putting myself in Harry's shoes. I imagined  having a daughter, though I could barely imagine it, but I did. I pictured cuddling with her in her little bed placed neatly in the middle of a pink bedroom,  I imagined telling her stories, and hearing her little giggle. I now felt even more sad, after I imagined loosing her. Tears streamed my cheeks as I pushed the terrible thoughts out of my head. I tried, but I couldn't even imagine the pain Harry had been in, and probably was still in. The curiosity that filled my mind only moments ago was now replaced with heartbreak, sorrow, and remorse.

Harry was only 19, having Abby at only 16, I assumed, which in my eyes was too young to experience the loss of a child. He had already had the struggle of having a child as a teen, and having to lose her would've been horrible.

I wondered how he was now, if he was still sad. It had been one year, almost exactly since Abby's body was found. The letter was written on September 7th, 2012, it was now August 12th, 2013. I felt like I needed to know more about Harry, and his life. Ignoring my conscious telling me to go to sleep - as it was 2am - I picked up the journal and read more.

September 9th, 2012

Dear Abby,

I still don't believe you are gone, and even though they have your body, and the charm bracelet, I still can't accept the fact you are gone. I keep thinking you will walk through my apartment door, with your favourite teddy bear, and you will run into my arms and tell me how much you've missed me. I just can't get over you; I don't think I ever will.

Classes started today, but I didn't go. I haven't even left my apartment since the call; I haven't even left my bed.  I know I should be out exploring the city, god even just exploring in general, but I can't. I knew I should have stayed home; I should've never came to college.

I had a dream about you last night; well I guess it was more of a nightmare. You were 10 in my dream, not three, and you were laying on what I assumed to be your bedroom floor, reading these letters. You didn't know I was watching you read them, and you didn't even know I was there. I watched you for 45 min, just reading. Then you turned around, you had long curly brown hair, and green eyes, just like me. You were a spitting image of me, just girl version. It looked like you had been crying, your eyes were all puffy and red, and you had a sad smile on your face. But what you said next was what really got me.

"Daddy, stop looking for me, I'm right here, I've been here all along."

That's when I woke up, I felt reassured, like maybe you really have been here all along, and that I was too selfish and caught up in my own little sad world to realize it. That's why Abby, maybe tomorrow, I am going to leave this place; my apartment I mean. I am going to go to classes and make friends, and try to fill the giant hole in my heart. Maybe I will meet someone special along the way, you never know. 

I miss you, a lot. 

See you in heaven baby girl

-Harry xx

I felt better now, knowing that Harry was going to try to to make himself happy, and try to forget. I turned the page, and read the next one.

September 11th, 2012

Dear Abby,

Its 9/11 today. I know you don't know what that means, but its a day. September 11th. On September 11th, 2001, terrorists came to New York and hit two very big buildings with planes, and killed a lot of people. So many families were left without daddy's, or mommy's that day. I know how it feels to loose someone you love, so I went to the spot where it happened today to pay my respect. It was one of the first places I have went since I have arrived here, and it felt good to get out; even though everyone was sad. 

I did end up going to classes yesterday, and today. Nobody seemed to notice that I was two days late either. The campus at NYU is HUGE!! It's so amazing, the pictures online just don't do it justice. Honestly, I was surprised I even got accepted. Everyone here is so smart, and I'm not. I ate lunch at at a little cafe on the campus and I found out that they are hiring. Maybe I could get a job there?

So far university is alright, I'm kinda happy too. 

Sorry this is short, I have to go to night classes. 

-Harry xx

 

I finally decided I was tired, too tired to keep reading, and although I wanted too, I would have to wait until the next day to continue. I put the book down for what seemed like the tenth time that night, and crawled into my bed, thoughts of the little 10 year old girl with curly brown hair, and green eyes filling my thoughts. Harry filled my thoughts too, but in a way. I thought of how it would be like to loose someone you loved, but I couldn't figure it out because I had never loved anybody, and nobody had ever loved me. 

And I thought that maybe one day, that would change.

A/N- yes this is short, i know. and BORING but I kinda ran out of ideas for this chapter, i can try to edit it and make it a bit longer, but idk. and sorry theres nothing really interesting that happens in this chapter either, but trust me the next few chapters coming there will be. like adfadjfasdjf

but anyway, uh 15 votes, and 5 comments for the next chapter.

ALSO ANOTHER THING

I know some of the letters are kind of boring, but dont worry some will be more interesting 

-HOPe [edited on 11.21.14 by @animalik]