pages- harry styles (au)

fifteen

"What are you doing here"

I stared at the woman in front of me, she looked so much older and frail since I had last seen her. Her hair had lightened, he skin became thinner, there were dark circles under her eyes, she had a frown etched into her face, and she had aged fast.

She stood at my door with her hands in her pockets and you could tell something was wrong, even though I hadn't spoke to her in three years, I still knew when there was something wrong with my own mother.

"It's Dad" It was the first time hearing her voice in three years, "He, he, was in an accident, and he" She started crying and I started crying too, she didn't need to say anything else, I knew what happened. He had died. My own father had died.

"Oh my god" I heard Leah say, she rushed over to the both of us and wrapped her arms around us, she was barley comforting.

The three of us huddled in the doorway of the small dorm room, people were walking past us, staring, but there was nothing I could think of but my father. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't even get to tell him I loved him.

"Mom" I started, "Did dad, did he cause the accident"

I needed to know, I needed to know if he was driving drunk. I needed to know if it took us having been taken away from him to realized the problem he had.

I stared at her, waiting for an answer. Her shoulders were shaking, she didn't even need to say anything, the silence in the room was answer enough.

"Did he kill anyone?" I asked.

"Yes" she sighed, "A married couple, a newborn was also in the car, but it survived, It has been put into the system"

"Did he die instantly, Dad, did he get to say anything?" I pleaded.

My mother took a deep, shaky breath. "He was rushed to the hopsital, he was only awake a few minutes before he slipped into a coma, the doctors said the only thing he said was ""Tell them I'm sorry, tell them all" I didn't get to talk to him before he died, I was too late"

"I, I cant believe this" I said. "I never got to say goodbye"

"None of us did, Honey" she said, trying to calm me down.

"I don't only mean before he died, I mean ever, I didn't even get to say goodbye when social services came at 2am in the morning and took us from you guys"

I saw my mother wince at the mention of that night.

Leah just stood there, in her sweats and a t-shirt, finally learning about the dark past I call my own, and I felt bad that she had to be here, learning all of this, seeing me in this fragile state.

"Did you tell Dallas yet?" I asked her, referring to my little brother.

"I haven't seen him yet" she replied, "actually, I don't even know where he is"

"Can't you contact social services? Can't they tell you where he is?"

"I tried, and they told me they would try to contact the foster parents, but they haven't got back to me, I just, I need to talk to him"

I stared at the woman in front of me, it was so surreal, that here, standing in front of me was my mother, my birth mother, the woman I hadn't spoke too since that night four years ago. She had on a tattered t-shirt and black sweat pants, her eyes had bags under them.

"Mom" I started, "Thank you"

"For what?"

"For coming to tell me, for caring enough about me and Dallas still to tell us, I appreciate it"

"Oh, honey" she said, pulling me back into an overwhelmingly tight hug, "When they called me to tell me he hadn't made it, you and your brother were the first people I thought off"

"Well, thank you, It means so much"

-

A week later I had found myself to be bed-ridden, skipping classes, and consuming vast amounts of ice cream. Leah left me alone, well she didn't ask me to get out of bed or try to get me to eat something that would improve my diet, but she did talk to me, she asked how my day was, tried making me laugh, anything that would take my mind off of my dead dad. I still was in shock.

A week and a half after later, I still found myself bed ridden, except for the two rare occasions when I decided I needed to shower, and Ice cream (and eventually I added some french fries, and hamburger) was still a regular part of my diet. Leah still took care of me, and Drew visited me twice.

And then two weeks later, I got a phone call.

"Hello?" I said, picking up the phone and speaking for the first time in hours. My voice was groggy, and my nose was all stuffed up from crying.

"Emma?" The voice on the other line said, it was a male.

"Yeah, who's this?" I asked, trying to decipher where I had heard the voice before.

"It's Harry"

"Oh hi" I coughed.

"Um" he started awkwardly, "Where have you been Em?"

I took a deep breath, and proceeded to tell him everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.

And as much as I didn't want too, I think he deserved it, I knew the deepest darkest parts of him, he should know mine too. But at least now, he would have something to put in the auto-biography.

-

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