pages- harry styles (au)

four

I was sad. Not the normal sad that I had been experiencing lately, but a different sad. I was depressed. 

I thought that maybe it was the fact that my brain had snapped into reality and realized I was alone in the world. Another possibility was that I was sad because I had ran out of double fudge chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it was neither of those things. It was Harry.

Over the past week of reading a month worth of journal entries, I had come to know one thing about Harry; he was sad and there was not one thing that could make him happy. The worst part of that was, it was rubbing off on me. A lot. 

That wasn't the only thing though I had come to learn about Harry, I learned many things. One: he was a writer and a poet. He would write journal entries that were strictly poems, or he would write excerpts from a story he was writing in school. There were two particular poems that I had fell in love with, I even made a photocopy of them and stuck them on my  fridge. They didn't have titles, they were'nt even written to Abby. They were just two pieces of paper he had wedged in between the October 21st and October 24th entries. 

     ❝our love for each other was like the ocean

        i willingly jumped in even though i knew i couldnt swim

       when we drifted apart, we always found ourselves 

       washed up on the same beach the next morning

       then one day i drowned, and she wasnt there to save me❞

      ❝shes the sunshine that overcame my darkness

        the right to my wrong

        the white to my black

        she took my heart

        and i never want it back -h.s.❞

It confused me, but it was so intriguing and so confusing that I kept it and read it often. Harry wasn't in love, I thought. He never wrote about it, he only wrote about wishing he could be in love, and wishing he could do it without being afraid of loosing them. He had only been in love once; I had discovered, with Charlotte, Abby's mother. He spoke of her little, but the few times he did, I knew he was in love with her, though he never admitted it. He wrote about the way he would get butterflies whenever she laughed, or how he would find himself missing her although she was only sitting in the chair across from him. He wrote about how getting over her was harder than getting over the loss of Abby. Yes, he might have loved Abby, but he was in love with Charlotte.

October 27th, 2012

Dear Abby,

Mommy called me today. I wasn't expecting it at all. I don't even know how she got my new number; I never gave it to her. She asked me how I was, like she actually cared about me or something. When I answered it, her voice kind of made me happy, only for a little while though, because with her voice brought along memories of the three of us together.

We talked for a little while. She told me how she was doing, how she was coping with everything, but then she dropped a huge bomb on me. She told me she was engaged Abby. Your mom is engaged. Right then and there was when I realized that I loved her, no matter how much pain she put me through; dropping me like a nail when she found out you were dead. I cried a little, only after she hung up the phone of course. I didn't want to show her that I wasn't still over you, that I hadn't found a new love or someone to make me feel happy again. I didn't want her knowing that I lied to her after tha., I told her I was happy for her. Well okay, maybe it wasn't a lie. I am happy for her, but not in the way you think. I am happy shes moving on from me. Maybe it will be easier for me to move on as well. I want someone to love me, someone to hold me and tell me its alright, like I used to do to you when you would fall and scrape your knee. 

-Daddyxx

I wiped a tear from my eye for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. My face was hot with tears, not because I was sad that harry was heartbroken, no for once I was sad because of me. I wanted to love someone as well, and I wanted that someone to be Harry. Yes, I wanted the person who's journal -  filled with secrets, lies, and love - was sitting on my shelf for the past 6 months. I wanted to love him, and I almost sort of did.

AN- 

woww hey its been two months so how has everyone been omg

so so so so sorry that i havent updated in like 3 months, i have just been really busy, and i had major writers block, and tbh i completely forgot about the story and i really just wanted to give up on it. 

anyway 15 voteds 10 comments for chapter 5

-hope [edited 11.21.14]