color blind | e.d

xviii. let it go

The ride back to his house is silent, so silent that I was afraid to break it. My insides were still flipping and my tears were still brimming my waterline. I glance over at Ethan for the first time since the encounter.

A tear falls down his face, yet he doesn't bother to wipe it away. I watch him as he swallows with the most disgusted look on his face. I wasn't crying anymore about the insult; however I was crying for Ethan.

He had worked so hard to prove to his family that he was in love, for real this time, and not once did the ones he cared about care. Sure Grayson did, but that's his brother. And of course his mother did, because that's her son and she's supposed to support every decision he makes, even if it breaks her.

But for his grandmother and father, who never had the decency to acknowledge this small act, to be ashamed of their son/grandson, hurt me more than words could ever describe. I knew it would be days before he ever came back around to me or anyone at all for that matter.

He turns down another street, taking the long way to get back home. That was a good sign. He was wanting to spend more time with me, but didn't have the words for it. That was okay, because I understood now. I understood everything perfectly.

"Is this why you didn't tell your grandmother about me? Because you knew this would happen?" I ask, my voice shaking as I try to hold in my tears.

"Yes," he says gingerly, his voice thick with tears still. I close my eyes and swallow to get myself together. I had to be strong for him.

"But not only that," he says. "I wanted her to give you a chance. I wanted her to see everything I felt with you in my eyes and in yours, and I wanted her to know what it felt like to love and to be loved. I was hoping that this would break the barrier; instead it made it worse. I can't afford this."

I start to see what he's reaching out at, and nod. It's silent again.

"Want anything to drink?" He pulls into a convenience store, and I shake my head. He gets out and goes into the store without another word.

Burying my head in my hands, I finally let all of my emotion out. I wail, and wail some more, because Ethan doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't want me because he's afraid his family's going to turn on him, hate him even more than he already knows. It's all my fault. I knew this would never work: why did I bother trying?

I had no idea Ethan was even in the car until a hand reaches over and pulls me in close. For some reason I can't keep my emotions under control. He now kisses the top of my head, holding it there before swaying back and forth.

"I'm so sorry," he says, and repeats this three times. My body detaches itself away from him now, leaving makeup imprints on his clothes. His eyes are red, but also lost, confused, hurt, angry. It's all there, but little does he know that I'm hurting a thousand times worse, aching in pain from a heartbreak.

"I'll still be here for you," he says as I get out, and he gets out too, staring at me with one hand on the car door. "I always will. And remember when I said I'd always protect you? Even on bad terms?"

I sniff and shake my head in remembrance, and he comes closer to me. His eyes never leave mine as he wraps his arms around my waist.

"I never lied when I said that either," he says, ducking his head to plant a kiss on my lips. It was light, soft, sweet. I wanted to collapse right there in his arms but held it together.

"I love you." Something about this phrase was different. We've said it a million times already, and each time we meant it, but this time, it was for real. No bullshit, no sympathy. This was the purest form from him, and I knew that from the bottom of my heart.

"And I love you." We hug it out, standing there for God knows how long.

"I'm going to miss this," he says suddenly, breathing in my scent. I sigh.

"We can always still be close. But as friends," I say. Ethan's jaw tightens as he pulls back to stare at me. He nods and his expression softens.

"I guess I'll talk to you soon. See you around?"

"Yeah..."

He gets back into his BMW, waving at me before pulling out of my driveway. I stand there for a few extra moments, then decide that I want to sleep.

When I get inside, I don't say anything to my parents. I walk straight to my room, shower, and change into my sweats to go to bed. Not once did I think I'd be this way over anyone, but feelings change; therefore maybe mine changed. I used to be so heartless towards love and the whole purpose of it.

Ethan was like a blind spot. You search everywhere and you don't find it, but it pops up out of nowhere and catches you off guard. He was my blind spot. Now, he's my everything.

That everything has been taken away from me, more like decided to be taken away. He was precious. I was ready to hold him down. These past six months with him have been fantastic, from cuddle dates to actual ones, I've enjoyed every minute of it.

Sleep was about to pull me into its trance before my phone vibrated. It did it again which makes me realize I have a call. Probably Tamar since I haven't spoken to her in a good minute. When I check the caller ID, it's Ethan. Why would he call me at 2 in the morning?

"Hello?"

"April, baby listen to me," he says, his voice sounding funny.

"Ethan calm down, breathe, stop crying. I'm listening," I sit up to gather my shit together.

"I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I realized that if I'm happy, my family should too. Right now, you, Mom, and Gray are the only people I care about. The rest can stay out of my business. You're the best thing to ever happen to me and I can't live without you. I want you, only you. Please take me back," he breaks down at the end and I clamp my hand over my mouth to stay quiet.

"Yes, Ethan. Yes!"

"I love you I love you I love you I love you!" He says, and my heart is beating loudly in my ears. "I'll never stop!"

"Sounds like a promise," I bite my lip.

"It is. I promise."

We both hang up the phone, and I fall back into my bed with the goofiest grin on my face. I felt like my cheeks were burning, but I didn't care. I had a reason to be happy again.

ran 2.6 miles in 38 minutes today... might as well say congratulations to myself😂 I hope you enjoyed this! I'll continue on, but this story is almost to an end😭. I love you guyssss💙
-merriett❤️