exploring sexuality | camren

chapter 18

Camila's Flashback

Camila found herself staring at Lauren a little longer than friends did.

Every since they saw each other naked in the shower, something felt different between them, a good different. She knew Lauren felt the same way, although she could tell that Lauren was trying her hardest to avoid it. But Camila knew better. She caught Lauren staring at her many times when she thought Camila wasn't looking. It was as if she was trying to place together what happened and why things felt so different. It was a curious thing, Camila thought.

She was set on figuring this out. Camila wanted to try to push her luck. She knew that Lauren felt more negative about "Camren" than she did. She'd get angrier and upset about it when it got shoved down her throat, but for her it was the complete opposite.

Camila always thought that she preferred being paired to Lauren than other people. She didn't mind it because she's always looked up to Lauren. She wasn't blind to how intelligent, respectful, and sincere the dark haired girl was. To be completely honest, many times she was proud that people shipped them together because the other people that fans paired her with were, well.... a major downgrade.

She liked that people assumed she was secretly dating someone as talented as her band-mate, even though they were both girls, but Lauren didn't agree.

It was as if one day out of the blue, Lauren pushed herself away from Camila and their friendship after the usual Camren assumptions. She had grown tired of the constant comments and sexualization between them. It started off simple:

Instead of taking the seat beside her, Lauren sat somewhere else. Instead of looking her in the eyes when she spoke, Lauren began to look at her nails. Then it was the sky. Then it was anything else but her. Although Lauren still laughed at her jokes, she stopped the playful interaction. It started off in front of camera's, but soon, the maneuver began to take place outside of camera's. They no longer sat together in the car and no longer watched movies together when they couldn't sleep. Instead they isolated themselves on their phones and soon enough, Camila started bonding with Dinah and Lauren with the rest.

Then one day, Lauren began calling her "Camila" instead of "Camz." That one probably hurt the most.

At that point, she wasn't sure what to feel. It was dramatic, but she had always wondered if it was better to die a quick painful death, or a slow painful one. She had always said she would rather have a slow painful one because she'd still have time, but after she experienced losing a friend slowly, Camila decided that perhaps both were equally terrible.

Losing her as a friend sucked because before any of the other girls, Lauren and her bonded instantly. Camila had grown accustomed to her and once their friendship began slowly began dying, she had to admit it felt shitty. They used to always be affectionate with each other, but once Camila started seeing Lauren distance herself, she stopped putting her arm around her or holding her hand. She knew that if she did, Lauren would be uncomfortable. It was up to the point that the only time they hugged was on birthdays or at the end of interviews when it was a big group hug.

Perhaps making Lauren get in the shower with her would worsen everything between them that had already been screwed, but deep in her heart, Camila didn't think so. For some reason, she felt as if it would do them good. She couldn't quite place her finger on why she thought that.

She smiled thinking of how Lauren's cheeks blushed in embarrassment when she looked at Camila's naked body up and down. Camila couldn't figure out what possessed her in that moment to ask if she could touch Lauren's breasts, but most of all, she couldn't believe that Lauren had said yes.