Broken

chapter ten

I clasp a mango-flavoured drink between my hands, shaking the ice around in it absent-mindedly. Looking outside into the streets bathed in yellow sunlight, I notice how busy it is. I've found that happens here; good weather and everyone leaves their houses to spend the day outside. I never noticed it in California because it was nearly always sunny there.

Across the square was the Brew but I avoid looking at it in shame and guilt. I didn't tell my mom or my friends why I was fired. I didn't want to hear my friends chastising me or my mother agreeing with Nicole's decision.

The morning after what had happened between me and Ezra, I felt the guilt plaguing me, twisting my stomach in knots. It felt much worse than the incident in the bar and I knew there'd be serious repercussions this time. There was no feeling of regret in the way I thought there'd be; I just didn't, and still don't, want Ezra to suffer because of what happened.

My head felt heavy this morning; almost a week of worrying does that to a person. But as I was in the bathroom, searching through the medicine cabinet for aspirin, I heard the text alert on my phone.

Can you meet me at Paula's at 12:30 today? If not, we can take a rain check. But, we need to talk.

But as I sit here twenty minutes after the time agreed, I begin to wonder if I've been stood up. Even if he shows, how do I look him in the eye? The bell jingles above the door and I know it's him. He orders an iced tea, sees me, and takes a seat across the table. I don't know where to look, so I settle on stirring my drink with the straw. A part of me doesn't want to hear what he's going to say, because I know it could go a completely different way than the one I'm unrealistically expecting.

"Aria? Look at me. What is it?"

I shake my head. "This feels a little strange..."

"Look at me," he repeats, gently.

I do.

"I'm so sorry. I should never have put you in this position."

"It's not your fault, Ezra. We were both a part of this. I feel so guilty."

"You have absolutely no reason to, okay?"

I don't answer; I don't feel like arguing who's right and who's wrong.

"I need to tell you something, though. That's why I asked you here."

"What?" I gulp, nervously.

"Nicole and I...we aren't together anymore." He looks down at the table, uncertainty in his voice.

It was the outcome I wanted, wasn't it? So, why don't I feel any better?

"It's okay. She's not going to hurt you anymore. I'll make sure of that."

"But what about you?" I reach for his hand across the table, but flinch away when I realise he might think I feel okay with being the reason he and Nicole separated.

"Are you okay?"

"It's too soon, isn't it?"

"No," he says, smiling. He takes my hands in his.

"I'm not happy about being the reason you broke up."

"You weren't the reason. There was a lot of anger and unresolved problems that had been building up and building up for years. We met in high school, you know? We were completely different people back then. I'm not the same person, and she definitely isn't."